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(:START FEED) (SCENE FROM "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" EPISODE "THE PRODUCER"; GILLIGAN SINGS "TO BE OR NOT TO BE" AS ZORAK SPINS THE SHIPWHEEL RECORD PLAYER, NEXT TO THE PROFESSOR) (OPENING THEME & CREDITS) SPACE GHOST: (INVISOS IN) Greetings. I am Space Ghost. You just saw Zorak when he was guest starring on "Gilligan's Island" back in the 60's. Hey Zorak! That was pretty good! ZORAK: I'm a dues paying member of The Screen Locusts Guild. SPACE GHOST: Zorak's been bugging me, bugging me, get it? to get these guys on the show. So tonight we have three getaways from "Gilligan's Island". ZORAK: That's "castaways", you s... uh... SPACE GHOST: Whatever. (ZORAK PLAYS SPACE GHOST TO HIS DESK) SPACE GHOST: (INVISOS IN TO DESK) (LAUGHS) Buggin' me. Alrighty! My first guest... ZORAK: Er, Space Ghost? SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: Space Ghost? SPACE GHOST: What, Zorak? ZORAK: Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: What? SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: What? SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: Nothin'. SPACE GHOST: Grrrrr... MOLTAR: (LAUGHS) SPACE GHOST: (MONITOR LOWERS WITH VIDEO CLIP OF LOCUST SWARM) You know, Zorak is a locust. Locusts are known to swarm about and leave their shells stuck to trees. ZORAK: (LOOKING AT MONITOR) Mom? SPACE GHOST: They carry diseases like a fly. They are evil, green, and occasionally played the heavy in late 70's films. SPACE GHOST: My first guest is Gilligan himself, welcome Bob Denver! BOBDENVER: (MONITOR LOWERS AGAIN, BOB'S IMAGE APPEARS) Right, I'm ready. SPACE GHOST: Citizen Bob, you have a book out, "Gilligan, Maynard and Me". Tell us about it. DENVER: Well, it's a book about one character I played, Maynard G. Krebs, on a series called "Dobie Gillis", and then it's about Gilligan, and all the funny things that happened when I was shooting, you know, both shows. SPACE GHOST: Citizen, could I affectionately call you Gilligan? DENVER: (LAUGHS) Sure. SPACE GHOST: Fine! Gilligan! Yes, I rather like that! DENVER NOW KNOWN ASGILLIGAN: Well, good for you! (LAUGHS) SPACE GHOST: Alrighty! When you did "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island", did you think the writers had gone far enough with the idea? GILLIGAN: I think so, I think it was, like, the crowning achievement was to have the Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island. SPACE GHOST: I see. You were on that island for 15 years, how did you recharge the batteries for that radio? GILLIGAN: It was a TV show, you know, we knew that, we didn't believe that we were really on an island, you know, uh, so... SPACE GHOST: But you can fly like you did on the show, correct? GILLIGAN: Oh, well, you know, I guess... SPACE GHOST: And that "To Be or Not To Be" song, you really sang that, didn't you? GILLIGAN: No, I'm afraid I can't... SPACE GHOST: Sing it! GILLIGAN: No, no, I can't sing. Sorry. SPACE GHOST: What are ya, too important to sing it now? You got a cookbook like Mary Ann? GILLIGAN: Oh... SPACE GHOST: Sing the "To Be or Not To Be" song! GILLLIGAN: (SINGS) "To be or not to be, that is the question that I" ... that's as far as I can go. (LAUGHS) I have to get my book out, and look up the words. SPACE GHOST: We have a clip from that... But, we're not going to show it. (CHUCKLES) Say, "to be or not to be", That's Shakespeare, isn't it? GILLIGAN: Yes, from "Hamlet". SPACE GHOST: Don't you think "Hamlet" would have been funnier if they were stranded on a desert island? GILLIGAN: (LAUGHS) No, I don't think so. SPACE GHOST: Oh, I do. GILLIGAN: Oh, well, I think it's up to, you know, your taste there, you know, Mr. Space Ghost. I mean, it's, I think it's just good the way it is. SPACE GHOST: Hey, listen to me! I'm talking Shakespeare with Gilligan! POSTMAN: Package for Space Ghost. (A ROUND, BLACK BOMB WITH "BOMB" WRITTEN ON IT AND A HISSING FUSE APPEARS ON SPACE GHOST'S DESK) SPACE GHOST: Oh, look! It's from Zorak! (THE BOMB EXPLODES, AS THE SMOKE CLEARS, SPACE GHOST CRASHES TO THE FLOOR) SPACE GHOST: Ouch! ZORAK: (EVIL LAUGH) (:INTERRUPT FEED - COMMERCIAL BREAK) (:START FEED) ZORAK: (STILL LAUGHING) SPACE GHOST: (NOT REALIZING CAMERAS ARE ON) You just keep it up Zorak! MOLTAR: Space Ghost, we're back... SPACE GHOST: I don't care that we're back! Zorak, I'll blister your butt so bad... MOLTAR: Space Ghost, we're back! SPACE GHOST: Moltar! Don't these cameras have those little red thingies on 'em? ("SURPLUS CHEESE" INFO IS ON THE SET MONITOR) MOLTAR: No! SPACE GHOST: Well they should! (CLEARS THROAT) My next castaway played Mary Ann, please welcome Dawn Wells! DAWNWELLS: (APPEARS ON THE MONITOR) So far so good. SPACE GHOST: Welcome, Dawn. WELLS: Hello! SPACE GHOST: Bob Denver says Gilligan's Island wasn't real. What do you say? WELLS: That's true! It's not real! SPACE GHOST: Get out! WELLS: It's overwhelming, isn't it? SPACE GHOST: What's overwhelming? ZORAK: The fact that the show wasn't real. SPACE GHOST: No, I mean "overwhelming," what does it mean? ZORAK: Uh, it's an adjective, uh, means extreme or great. MOLTAR: (IN CONTROL ROOM) It means you're an idiot. SPACE GHOST: I see. So Dawn, what have you been up to? WELLS: Mary Ann's been writing a cookbook. A "Gilligan's Island" cookbook. I call it, uh, "Recipes and Reminiscence". SPACE GHOST: Does Mary Ann have any recipes for Tina Louise humble pie? WELLS: (LAUGHS) Not a lot of that. No! There some Tina Louise recipes, however. Some "Ginger Snaps" and a few of those. (LAUGHS) ZORAK: What's Tina's problem? WELLS: I don't think she had one. I just don't think she's real happy with, um, always being connected with "Gilligan's Island", I think Tina's more serious about her dramatic career than a comedy career. SPACE GHOST: And who isn't? Eh, Dawn, which episode is your favorite? WELLS: I think the one to do, to film, was the, was the "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" episode and it was, I got to be an Eliza Doodle character with a cockney accent... But I think the one I like to watch most was the "Hamlet". SPACE GHOST: Zorak was in that one, remember? WELLS: Oh yes. SPACE GHOST: He's a locust. WELLS: Sexy kinda guy. SPACE GHOST: Gilligan and I were just talking Shakespeare, what do you think about that? WELLS: (LAUGHS) That's an odd conversation... coming from the two of you. SPACE GHOST: Do you think kids named Mobley are secretly planning crimes against the world? WELLS: Yeah! And I, you, you wouldn't know it unless somebody told ya, that somebody was thinking that. ZORAK: Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: What now? ZORAK: I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky. SPACE GHOST: I will. (TO DAWN) Dawn, you seem so nice, it must be my birthday! So, when you were added to the opening song how did you feel? WELLS: Oh, thank God! Actually it was a political thing, we were, we weren't ostracized and kept from that in the beginning, it was Tina Louise's contract was signed before ours, and it said that, you know, nobody could be after her, so... SPACE GHOST: So there goes Tina again, causing problems! WELLS: (POINTING AND LAUGHING) You're good, this is fun! SPACE GHOST: Yes, I am. Tell us some behind the scenes stuff, give us the dirt! WELLS: No. I don't think there was anything really juicy that went on. SPACE GHOST: No funny anecdotes? WELLS: There's a cute little story about my teeth... SPACE GHOST: (LAUGHS FOR A LONG TIME AS IF IT WAS A JOKE) Whew, boy! ZORAK: Oh brother. SPACE GHOST: Alrighty! How about your book, what's your favorite recipe? WELLS: Homemade raviolis. SPACE GHOST: Say, now that's Italian. Can we come over for dinner? WELLS: Yeah! I can make chili and everything! SPACE GHOST: How about Zorak and Moltar? WELLS: Oh boy, I don't know... SPACE GHOST: Then it's a date! We'll see you after the show. WELLS: Okay! (LAUGHS) (SHE DISAPPEARS FROM THE MONITOR) ZORAK: Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: I... have to potty. SPACE GHOST: You should do that before the show! What are you, a child? ZORAK: No! I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse. Think of me when... SPACE GHOST: When I look to the night skY... Yeah, right. Moltar! Is the Professor ready? MOLTAR: Uh, yeah. SPACE GHOST: RusselL Johnson, he played the Professor. (MONITOR SCREEN HAS A PROFESSOR CHARACTER FROM AN OLD BLACK & WHITE MOVIE) SPACE GHOST: Russell? Moltar! WELLS: (ON CONTROL ROOM MONITOR, WITH ODD TEXT ON THE SCREEN) I wore, the two little teeth next to your front teeth were shorter than my teeth are.. MOLTAR: Mm Hmm. WELLS: ... and I didn't want to grind down two good teeth and put caps on them... MOLTAR: Mm Hmm. WELLS: But they're very expensive and they're very thin and they're very fragile and lots of times if you leave them in you make a mistake and drink coffee and chew them up... SPACE GHOST: (INVISOS TO THE CONTROL ROOM) So this is what you're up to! Prepare your hiney for another blast from the spank ray! ZORAK: (ON CONTROL MONITOR) Yes! Yes! MOLTAR: No! ZORAK: (IN STUDIO, SITTING AT SPACE GHOST'S DESK) Ewww... warm seat! (ON MONITOR, COUNT DOWN ROLLS, THEN SHOWS "THE LOCUST COMETH" "A FILM TRIBUTE TO ZORAK") Let me entertain you! Roll em! Mmmmm, classic Zorak! Me in "Courtship"... (EXCERPT FROM "COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER", "BOYS NIGHT OUT") ZORAK: Bill, I respect you. BILL BIXBY:How about love? ZORAK: Yeah, that too. ZORAK: Me in "Gilligan" (ANOTHER EXCERPT FROM "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND") MOLTAR: (OFF SCREEN) Space Ghost! SPACE GHOST: (IN CONTROL ROOM, WATCHING THE MONITOR) Zorak! (INVISOS BACK TO SET) You didn't leave any larvae on my chair did you? ZORAK: (EVIL LAUGH) SPACE GHOST: Hold on Russell... need to get situated here... (FLIES TO DESK AND SITS DOWN, CHAIR SQUEAKS) Okay! Do you have enough air? RUSSELL JOHNSON:(LAUGHS) I have enough oxygen, thank you. I am comfortable, Space Ghost. (LAUGHS) SPACE GHOST: Good! Eh, Russell, everybody has books, tell us about your book. JOHNSON: Well, I have a book out called "Here on Gilligan's Isle". It's, uh, concern's my, uh, time on the island... SPACE GHOST: So you really were on that island. Bob and Dawn claim it wasn't real! JOHNSON: (THINKING) No. I had to think about that. No, it wasn't real. SPACE GHOST: Sure it wasn't! This is all a conspiracy! JOHNSON: No conspiracy there... SPACE GHOST: Quick! What is pi? JOHNSON: Pi are square. Some people think they are round but they are square. SPACE GHOST: Russell rhymes with muscle. JOHNSON: Oh, yeah. Yeah. (LAUGHS) Anyway, next question please, Space Cadet. ZORAK: Space Cadet! (INSANE LAUGH) SPACE GHOST: Sing us a song, Russell. JOHNSON: Oh! (HUMS 4 BARS FROM THE "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" THEME) Here on Gilligan's Isle, hey! SPACE GHOST: All those years and you forgot the words? JOHNSON: I'm sending them to you... telephathically, yes, don't you get that? Space Man, Space Master... You getting it? Yeah? SPACE GHOST:(CLOCK TICKING IN BACKGROUND) I'm getting it all right. JOHNSON: Okay. SPACE GHOST: (CLOCK TICKS, THEN STOPS AS BELL SOUNDS) We're way outta time, thanks for joining us... JOHNSON: Listen, I'd, I'd like to ask you a question. SPACE GHOST: Go ahead, Earth boy. JOHNSON: Are you related to Beavis or Butthead? SPACE GHOST: You can't say "butt" on this program! (ZAPS RUSSELL OFF MONITOR) JOHNSON: (HUMS 2 BARS FROM "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" THEME) Here on Gilligan's Isle, hey! |