The Mask

(:START FEED) SPACE GHOST: (before the movie) Only ten seconds! I only get ten seconds to tell people about my interview with JIM CARREY after the movie? What? We're on now? Uh, SPACE GHOST, JIM CARREY, right after the movie! (THE MOVIE) SPACE GHOST: (watching film trailer on monitor) Did you see that dog? ZORAK: Yeah. SPACE GHOST: That dog was great! ZORAK: He was good. SPACE GHOST: How do you suppose they got... Oh, hi everyone, I'm SPACE GHOST. We just saw "The Mask" with JIM CARREY. ZORAK: It was funny. SPACE GHOST: Sure was! I have a new talk show on the Cartoon Network, called "SPACE GHOST Coast to Coast". It airs Friday nights at 11pm Eastern, and 10pm Central. (the words "Shameless Self Promotion" flash at bottom of screen while he plugs his show) Alrighty! We have some interviews with the stars of "The Mask"! Look! Here comes Jim now! ZORAK: Ihh, his mask is better than yours. SPACE GHOST: Shut your yap, ya stupid cricket. Hello, Jim! Were you followed? JIM CARREY: Uhhhh... No. SPACE GHOST: Good! Y'know, I just called ZORAK a cricket, but he's really a mantis! JIM CARREY: Oh really? He's really a mantis. Excellent. ZORAK: Impersonate me! JIM CARREY: (Does mantis impersonation) This kind of mantis? SPACE GHOST: Say, that's pretty good! JIM CARREY: I used to love mantises. I used to love to, like, get a mantis and a grasshopper, put them into a jar and shake them up. SPACE GHOST: A grass-mantis shake? Now if only we knew where to find a big grasshopper! ZORAK: Shut up! JIM CARREY: Cool. Alright. SPACE GHOST: Hey Jim, can you impersonate me? JIM CARREY: (makes humming-whistling sound effect) SPACE GHOST: Childish. JIM CARREY: I love the killer ray, man. SPACE GHOST: And it loves you! JIM CARREY: Really? SPACE GHOST: Yes! But love it carefully, it's a very delicate instrument. JIM CARREY: It doesn't just go off, every once in awhile, and just swat somebody? SPACE GHOST: Nooo... (his destructo ray goes off, burning ZORAK to a crisp) SPACE GHOST: I... meant to do that. ZORAK: Eh... uh... JIM CARREY: Oh, man! SPACE GHOST: He'll live, he always does. So, do you love my mask as well, citizen Mask? JIM CARREY: SPACE GHOST's mask is e-, is excellent. But where are the ears, man? SPACE GHOST: Don't need 'em. I read lips. JIM CARREY: Excellent. SPACE GHOST: What? What?! (laughs) JIM CARREY: Cool. Alright. SPACE GHOST: I hear (get it? hear?) that you can make your heart beat out of your chest. Do it! JIM CARREY: Uhhh, that's just really a side effect from the drugs. SPACE GHOST: Drugs are bad! JIM CARREY: Cool. Alright. SPACE GHOST: I've never taken drugs. JIM CARREY: Quit braggin'! SPACE GHOST: Sorry. JIM CARREY: Alright. SPACE GHOST: Do you have any words of wisdom to tell the universe? JIM CARREY: To the universe? SPACE GHOST: No, to the universe! JIM CARREY: Uhhhh, n-, uhhhh, yeah, um, no. SPACE GHOST: Bye then! JIM CARREY: Cool. Alright. SPACE GHOST: Whatever. (zaps Jim off monitor) ZORAK: (still crisped) Emmm... mmmm... SPACE GHOST: I'm really sorry, ZORAK. I didn't mean to... ZORAK: Ehhh, sure, SPACE GHOST. SPACE GHOST: (Pong game is on monitor) It just went off! Really! ZORAK: Sure it did. Ihhh. CHARLES RUSSELL: (in the control room) Didn't he have a sidekick or something? MOLTAR: What, you mean those teens? (laughs) They're history! CHARLES RUSSELL: That's cool. SPACE GHOST: My next guest is CHARLES RUSSELL! He directed "The Mask"! (Charles appears on monitor) Citizen Charles! Welcome to the show! CHARLES RUSSELL: Thank you very much. SPACE GHOST: That dog was amazing! CHARLES RUSSELL: (laughs) I treated that dog just like my actors. SPACE GHOST: I can be an actor! I've got the look! CHARLES RUSSELL: Oh, well, the yellow cape is good, I like yellow a lot... SPACE GHOST: Me too! CHARLES RUSSELL: We have a nice, banana yellow zoot suit in "Mask". SPACE GHOST: Bananas are a good source of potassium! CHARLES RUSSELL: That's true. SPACE GHOST: So very, very true! CHARLES RUSSELL: (looks at SPACE GHOST) SPACE GHOST: So, what about the rest of my suit? CHARLES RUSSELL: It's strong, it's powerful, but I think it's time for SPACE GHOST to break out. SPACE GHOST: I like the way you think, Chuck! CHARLES RUSSELL: I think I might wanna do something with the wardrobe, I think, oh, I think I might wanna do something, maybe, with a little more color. SPACE GHOST: You wanna paint me up all green like the "Mask" guy? CHARLES RUSSELL: The truth, though, is that JIM CARREY actually is green. SPACE GHOST: ZORAK is green... with evil! CHARLES RUSSELL: I think having an evil bandleader is always a plus, because it gives you that special edge to the music. SPACE GHOST: Yeah, whatever. We're not here to talk about music, Chuck. We're here to talk about me, and my new talk show on the Cartoon Network, which airs Friday nights at 11pm Eastern Standard Time! ("Shameless Self Promotion" flashes at bottom of screen again) CHARLES RUSSELL: Although, SPACE GHOST, I must say that I've enjoyed some of your earlier work in particular... SPACE GHOST: That was nothin'! I was typecast! CHARLES RUSSELL: But, Tex, Tex Avery, uh... Chuck Jones... SPACE GHOST: Those guys are old school! I was typecast! Don't you get that?! CHARLES RUSSELL: (looks back in silence) SPACE GHOST: I kept getting super-hero parts, saving galaxies... I wanted more heroic roles! Like... like Lassie! CHARLES RUSSELL: Uh, I've always been bored with Lassie, who... SPACE GHOST: Bored with Lassie?! Lassie's king! ZORAK: Yeah! Lassie's king! CHARLES RUSSELL: Did he have a sidekick or something? ZORAK: (under his breath) Lassie-hater. SPACE GHOST: Normally, I'd ask you if you had any final words for the universe, but we're out of time for you, because now I must plug my show! "SPACE GHOST Coast to Coast" airs only on The Cartoon Network! ("Shameless Self Promotion" flashes at bottom of screen again) Friday nights at 11pm Eastern, 10pm Central, 9pm Mountain, uh, 8pm Pacific, Greenwich Mean Time would be... in Taiwan, 2pm in Honolulu, 11:45 in London, backtracking across the International Dateline... Are we on in Guam? Somebody tell me, are we on in Guam?