Episode 14 - "Hungry" |
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:WAITING (Background music) SPACE GHOST: (stomach growls) Oh, the hunger... (Opening theme music & titles) SPACE GHOST: Welcome to the show! Tonight my guests are pork roast and fishwich... (stomach growls) I mean Michael Stipe and Lassie. So, how was your weekend, Zorak? ZORAK: (with British accent) Hey hey hey! SPACE GHOST: Mine was good too. Eh, say, what's with the action figure? ZORAK: There is no weekend. RAYMOND: Hello. SPACE GHOST: Yeah, yeah. What's with the action figure? ZORAK: We exist in a boundless time continuum. There is no weekend! RAYMOND: (while Zorak is talking) Hello... Hello... Hello. ZORAK: Eh, this is my nephew, Raymond. RAYMOND: Hello! SPACE GHOST: Hi, Ray! RAYMOND: Heh heh.. SPACE GHOST: So, what do you want to be when you grow up? RAYMOND: Uh... Locust of 'pocalypse. SPACE GHOST: Isn't that cute? He can't say apocalypse! Watch this... Hey kid, say "spaghetti". RAYMOND: Pasghetti. SPACE GHOST: (laughs) Mmmm, pasghetti. RAYMOND: Pasghetti! MOLTAR: (in control room, reading book "Reading is Fun For Mentals") Poc-a-lypse. Pocalypse SPACE GHOST: Hey, you bugs must have billions of relatives, what with all the eggs you lay. ZORAK: Don't ghosts hang around attics and go "boo"? Jerk! SPACE GHOST: Weren't your mother's people dung beetles? ZORAK: (shouting) I am the Lone Locust of the Apocalypse! RAYMOND: 'Pocalypse? ZORAK: Think of me when you look... SPACE GHOST: Oh, now you're a locust again! Well silly me, I thought you were a mantis! ZORAK: Uh, I am! SPACE GHOST: "I am the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse." RAYMOND: (starts giggling) SPACE GHOST: Wait, better yet: "I am the Lone Fill-in-the-blank of the Apocalypse." How's about that, Zorak, leave enough room for you there, hmm? ZORAK: But... SPACE GHOST: And how about you start wearing a shirt to work from now on, Jack? ZORAK: I wear a vest! RAYMOND: (giggling uncontrollably) ZORAK: Say, Ray... RAYMOND: (stops giggling) Yes? ZORAK: Shut up! RAYMOND: Okay. SPACE GHOST: Are you guys as hungry as I am? ZORAK: (with western accent) Mmmmmm! Hungry, like Hungry Jack hungry? SPACE GHOST: No, hungry like a muscled-up GI Joe after a tough day in the chopper. ZORAK: No, uh uh. RAYMOND: Yes! ZORAK: No, Raymond. RAYMOND: Yes! ZORAK: Nooo, Raymond. RAYMOND: Yes, Zoltar! ZORAK: (shouting) I am Zorak! Zor-ak! RAYMOND: (starts crying) SPACE GHOST: (to himself) Oooh, action figure with life-like tears. (aloud) You want a pizza, Raymond? ZORAK: Pizza! SPACE GHOST: Pizza pizza, wittle Waymond. RAYMOND: (stops crying) Pizza! ZORAK: Pizza! RAYMOND: Peyoni pizza? SPACE GHOST: Heh heh... Moltar, establish contact with a pizza parlor! (Zorak & Raymond keep shouting "Pizza!" in the background) MOLTAR: Yes, hang on... all right... okay, let me, uh... (throws lever) MUJIBUR & SIRAJUL: (on monitor, waving) Hi, Dave, hi Dave... MOLTAR: Huh? Dave? MUJIBUR RAHMAN: Nice to see you, Dave. MOLTAR: Earthlings! (throws lever again) SAL: (on monitor) Sal's Pizza Emporium, we bake it, you buy it. MOLTAR: Ah hah... (zaps image to Space Ghost's monitor) SAL: What'll ya have, mister? SPACE GHOST: Greetings, pizza merchant. We wish to order a pie with... SAL: Outta anchovies. SPACE GHOST: ... you guys like anchovies? ZORAK: How about seal? SPACE GHOST: Too chewy. ZORAK: Mmm, yeah. Carp? SPACE GHOST: You have carp? SAL: Nope. SPACE GHOST: Awwww... MOLTAR: Haddock. RAYMOND: Waffles. Carp waffles! SAL: Fresh outta carp waffles already. MOLTAR: Hey, hey, haddock. SPACE GHOST: We could get grouper... MOLTAR: No, no, haddock! SPACE GHOST: I've got it... Orange roughy! ZORAK: Yeah, get it bloated! MOLTAR: Hey, how about haddock!? SPACE GHOST: We'd like a pizza with bloated orange roughy, please. ZORAK: No, wait! Sun-bloated, yeah, get it sun-bloated! SPACE GHOST: Sorry. Sun-bloated, okay? SAL: Yeah, yeah. Hey, Mookie! Gimme one large pie, with sun-bloated orange roughy. SPACE GHOST: Pronto, with bells on, PDQ! ZORAK: Make sure it's bloated. SAL: Alright already! (screen zaps off) SPACE GHOST: Mmmmm, orange groupie. RAYMOND: Roughy! SPACE GHOST: Whatever. My first guest is one of several thousand collies who have gone by the name of Lassie. But this is the real one! ZORAK: Objection! RAYMOND: Yeah, the Jetsons! SPACE GHOST: Order! (screen lowers) RAYMOND: Oooh, puppy! SPACE GHOST: Order! RAYMOND: Doggy! SPACE GHOST: Shh! Don't startle the dog guest. RAYMOND: (quietly) Sorry. SPACE GHOST: Gee, you're a nice doggy, Lassie. LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: So, what you been up to? LASSIE: Bark! Bark! SPACE GHOST: Yeah, I know! Does it ever itch right here? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: You could get some salve. (No response) Okay. Now here's a high-pitch sound only you can hear. AAAAAAAAAEEEEEAAAAAEEEAAAAHHHH!! Uh! LASSIE: (tilts head to one side) ZORAK: You idiot! We can all hear that! SPACE GHOST: No you can't. You're bluffing. ZORAK: Am not! You're saying, "AAAAAEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!" SPACE GHOST: Well, how 'bout this? Meemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemeemee... RAYMOND: (in unison, at higher pitch) Meemeemeemeemeemeemee... ZORAK: (interrupting) No! LASSIE: Bark! Bark! SPACE GHOST: What is it, girl? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: There's trouble at the ranch? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: Hmmm... trouble at the farm. LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: You say Brak was bitten by a rattlesnake? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: Where is he, girl? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: He's at old man Tibby's farm? LASSIE: Bark! SPACE GHOST: Farms have chickens. Corn! Let's ride! (flies off) LASSIE: (waits a while, then walks off) SPACE GHOST: (returns) Uh, where's that farm again? (monitor screen is just static) (in low voice) Oh, she's gone. (normal voice) Say, is that pizza here yet? RAYMOND: Uh uh. SPACE GHOST: What say we enjoy the aroma of food with my smell ray. Stand back! (zap!) ZORAK: (sniff!) Bacon! RAYMOND: Ah! Horsy! SPACE GHOST: Okay, guess this one! (zap!) ZORAK: Mmmm, pancreas! RAYMOND: Donkey? ZORAK: No, pancreas. SPACE GHOST: And this one? (zap!) ZORAK: Chlorine! RAYMOND: Pony! ZORAK: No, Ray. Chlorine! RAYMOND: No, look! Pretty pony! JUMBLES: Neigh! SPACE GHOST: (screen shows words "INSERT HORSE") Oh, yeah, that's Jumbles. RAYMOND: Pretty Jumbles! SAL: (on control room monitor) Look, Iron Man, for the last time, I can't send you a raw pizza. MOLTAR: Just gimme the dough, I can cook it in twenty seconds. SAL: Twenty seconds? What you got over there, a nuclear reactor? MOLTAR: Sal, Sal, listen... Gimme the dough. SPACE GHOST: Moltar, where's that pizza? It's been over five minutes. MOLTAR: Pizza guy on line 2. SPACE GHOST: Ah, the pizza man. Greetings, pizza merchant. Greetings, pizza merchant. SAL: ... Nobody cooks pizza in only twenty seconds. RAYMOND: Hello. SPACE GHOST: Hey... ZORAK: Hey, Raymond! SPACE GHOST: ... Hey... ZORAK: Stop! SPACE GHOST: ... Where's my pizza? RAYMOND: (chomp!) JUMBLES: Neigh!! (galloping) SPACE GHOST: What happened? ZORAK: Raymond bit jumbles. SPACE GHOST: What? SAL: Who's Jumbles? SPACE GHOST: He's my horse. Is he okay? ZORAK: I dunno. Maybe. SAL: So is the horse all right or what? SPACE GHOST: I don't know. Hey! Where's my pizza? SAL: Well, it's like this. Mookie, the guy making your pizza, right, turns out he's allergic to orange roughy, so he got all hivey and stuff, but now he's making you another pie. RAYMOND: Is Mookie okay? SAL: Whoahoahoa! Hey, Mookie! You gotta check this out! The baby maggot's talking! ZORAK: Mantis! RAYMOND: Hello. MOOKIE: Freaky! ZORAK: Freaky? JUMBLES: (snorts) ZORAK: Freaky. SAL: Hey, that horse, he don't look so good. What's his name? Jingles? SPACE GHOST: Jumbles. JUMBLES: Neigh! SAL: Yeah, Jumbles. He looks lame. You better put him down. SPACE GHOST: Look here, pizza man. I'm Space Ghost, I'm hungry, I've got a talking voodoo doll taking chunks out of my horse and I want my pizza! (pounds fist) ZORAK: Freaky Mookie! SAL: Okay, okay. Just trying to help. SPACE GHOST: All right. So we're, we're okay, we're fine? JUMBLES: (snort) :INTERRUPT FEED :START FEED ZORAK: (playing theme music) RAYMOND: Quit steppin' on me! Stop it! Stop! ZORAK: (done playing music) RAYMOND: Uhh. SPACE GHOST: You better slap a muzzle on that scaled down piece of evil. ZORAK: You better get that pizza! RAYMOND: Yeah! JUMBLES: (Neigh!) SPACE GHOST: Come on, Jumbles, walk it off. (pause) SPACE GHOST: Hallelujah! It's Michael Stipe! (pause) MICHAEL STIPE: Heh. (pause) SPACE GHOST: What are those things on your face? MICHAEL STIPE: Those are my intergalactic space glasses. SPACE GHOST: Uh huh. What can you do with those? MICHAEL STIPE: I can see right through you, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Uh huh. ZORAK: Freaky. SPACE GHOST: So, Mr. Magno-Specs, your new album's called "Monster"? What's up with that? MICHAEL STIPE: The new record is, um, it's like, uh, it's a, it's a... SPACE GHOST: (mocking, in unison) Uh, it's a, it's a ... MICHAEL STIPE: ... it's a concept record. SPACE GHOST: A concept record! MICHAEL STIPE: It's a, it's a, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, it's like a layman's, like a layman's, a layman's, uh... SPACE GHOST: It's a, ummmm, it's like a layman's, ummm, there's stuff on your lip, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh, layman's, uh... MICHAEL STIPE: ... a laymen's dissertation on... SPACE GHOST: on, on, tip of my tongue, on... MICHAEL STIPE: ... the black hole phenomenon. SPACE GHOST: ... on the black hole phenomenon! (pause) RAYMOND: What's, what's this do? (zap!) SPACE GHOST: Okay, Mike, I'm going to send you a high-pitched message that only you can hear! ZORAK: (to himself) Why me? SPACE GHOST: (opens mouth, extremely high pitch sound) MICHAEL STIPE: (tilts head to one side) No message, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Okay then, sing that song, sing that, "Shiny Shiny People" song. MICHAEL STIPE: No. SPACE GHOST: I'll get you started. (sings) "Shiny shiny people, shiny shiny people..." MICHAEL STIPE: I hate that song, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Oh, me too, Michael, me too. Say, Mike, do think I'm a shiny shiny person? MICHAEL STIPE: I would say yes. SPACE GHOST: Yes? MICHAEL STIPE: Yes. SPACE GHOST: You're sure? MICHAEL STIPE: Yes, absolutely. SPACE GHOST: You don't see some dark, horrible corner inside of me somewhere? MICHAEL STIPE: No, none. SPACE GHOST: Okay. You're sure? MICHAEL STIPE: Yep. ZORAK: I have a question. Is that you in the corner? MICHAEL STIPE: (looks down under glasses) ZORAK: (points) That way, in the corner! (picture of Zorak's band, with Michael Stipe's face in lower right corner of screen, rubbing front teeth) MICHAEL STIPE: That's me in the corner, yeah. ZORAK: Freaky! SPACE GHOST: So what's next for you? What's on your plate? (stomach growls) Ohh! MICHAEL STIPE: Um, I'm going to drive to dinner. ZORAK: Take us! MICHAEL STIPE: No. RAYMOND: I wanna go! ZORAK: Take us, please! MICHAEL STIPE: No. ZORAK: C'mon, Stipe! Give us a break! Buy us some dinner! RAYMOND: I wanna sit down. ZORAK: Shut up! SPACE GHOST: Well, how about him, will he take us? MICHAEL STIPE: (in the corner) Yes, absolutely! SPACE GHOST: Great! See ya! (zaps MS off screen of main monitor) MOLTAR: (to MS in control room) Just me, Moltar, outta lines, hangin' out. SPACE GHOST: (to himself) I'm so hungry, I'm lightheaded! (aloud) May I have a hall pass, Miss Steckler? I wanna go home now, Miss Steckler... (passes out & comes to) ZORAK: (mocking) I wanna go too, Miss Steckler. SPACE GHOST: Zorak, where's your nephew? ZORAK: Who? Oh, I devoured him. SPACE GHOST: (shouting) That's barbaric! (quietly) Is there any left? ZORAK: Um... (swallows) No. SPACE GHOST: (quietly) I'm gonna miss the little guy. (screen fades & freezes) SPACE GHOST: (in foreground) Let's look back at all the fun we had with our special friend, Raymond. (Melancholy background music plays. Screen title: "Raymond, A Special Friend". Still shots of:) (Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond at Mt. Rushmore dressed up as tourists. Raymond's T-shirt says "I (heart) Apocalypse") (Raymond and Moltar in a bathtub in the middle of a busy street) (Space Ghost, Zorak, and Raymond in drag in front of a boarded up theatre) (Space Ghost and Raymond flying kites with a tornado behind them) (fade out) SPACE GHOST: (sounding light-headed) I think I should see the nurse, Miss Steckler. (shouting) Moltar! Get me that pizza boy! MUJIBUR & SIRAJUL: (waving) Hi, Dave! Hi, Dave! SPACE GHOST: I'm not Dave. I'm Space Ghost! Who are you two? MUJIBUR RAHMAN: I am Mujibur, and this is Sirajul. SIRAJUL ISLAM: Hello, Space Ghost. MUJIBUR RAHMAN: Hmmm, Space Ghost, that's the name on our pizza. (points to pizza box labeled "To Space Ghost, Ghost Planet") SPACE GHOST: That's my pizza! SIRAJUL ISLAM: Thank you for the gift. MUJIBUR RAHMAN: Mmmm! Orange roughy! MUJIBUR & SIRAJUL: (laugh uncontrollably) (Credits roll) SPACE GHOST: That's a good Jumbles. Feeling better now? JUMBLES: Yeah. |