Episode 28 - "Glen Campbell" |
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:WAITING (Space Ghost and Zorak are watching "The Simpsons" on the monitor) ZORAK: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: I don't get it! ZORAK: (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: Where are all the giant saucer crabs? ZORAK: Shhh! Shush! SPACE GHOST: Don't "shush" me! ZORAK: Shhh! SPACE GHOST: Where's Moltar? ZORAK: Shhhhhh! SPACE GHOST: Moltar! "The Simpsons" are on! (pause) Er, which one's Homer again? The baby? (In control room) MOLTAR: Okay, hmmm, let's see... page 7... (flips pages) okay, "The Joy of Escape". "It was Macciavelli that once said that escape is the primary joy of...", uh, blah blah blah blah blah... ah, here we go. "To win your freedom, you must only pull the inverse phase lever." Uh, okay. That must be this gizmo here, whatever that does. Down (pulls the lever) and da! All right! (laughs) what's it! Adios, Space Ghost! (evil laugh) (he walks away) Wait, where are my keys? Oh, I got 'em. (evil laugh again, fading as he walks off) (Back in studio) (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Greetings citizens! My guest tonight will be cartoonist and creator of the popular "Simpsons" TV franchise empire, Matt Groening. ZORAK: Groening. SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: It's "Groening". Matt Groening. SPACE GHOST: That's what I said. ZORAK: No, you didn't, you said "graining". SPACE GHOST: I know I said... I said "Groening"! ZORAK: What? SPACE GHOST: I said, I said "Groening". ZORAK: Oh. Well... you're adopted. SPACE GHOST: Play me to the desk. ZORAK: What? Now? SPACE GHOST: Yes, now. (Zorak and Way Outs play Space Ghost to the desk) SPACE GHOST: (invisos to desk) You need to be more attentive. ZORAK: (looking away from Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: Are you listening to me? ZORAK: Eh? (Screen lowers with Matt Groening) MATT GROENING: Space Ghost, I salute you. SPACE GHOST: At ease, citizen! MATT GROENING: Okay. SPACE GHOST: Welcome to my show, Matt! Have you seen it? Do you love it? MATT GROENING: Oh, yes! I make it a habit of watching all shows that rhyme. "Space Ghost Coast to Coast", of course. "Dennis the Menace", "I Spy"... ZORAK: "Mod Squad"! MATT GROENING: "Magilla Gorilla". ZORAK: "Care Bears". MATT GROENING: "Prime Time Live", sorta rhymes. SPACE GHOST: "Wings"? ZORAK: "Rin Tin Tin"! MATT GROENING: "Hey There, It's Yogi Bear". ZORAK: "Pixie and Dixie"! MATT GROENING: "Yoo Hoo, it's John Sununu". SPACE GHOST: (scoots chair closer) MATT GROENING: Uh.... SPACE GHOST: "Space Ghost, Coast to Coast"? (pause) Ho-kay. MATT GROENING: "Tinkle and Dinkle the Ha Ha Twins". SPACE GHOST: There's no such show as "Tinkle and Dinkle", Matthew! (pause) Is there? MATT GROENING: (laughs) ZORAK: (laughs) You whig! SPACE GHOST: Bull moose! ZORAK: Tory! SPACE GHOST: Trotsky-ist! ZORAK: Rabble rouser! SPACE GHOST: Dunker! ZORAK: Federalist! SPACE GHOST: Hey! Love it or leave it, pal! MATT GROENING: What, eh, what are you anyway? SPACE GHOST: I'm just a lineman for the county. MATT GROENING: (chuckles) SPACE GHOST: I am, actually. (quietly) I am a lineman for the county. MATT GROENING: (chuckles) Hmmm... SPACE GHOST: Ha! I'm a Space Ghost, you silly! MATT GROENING: You're a "Space Ghost"? SPACE GHOST: Sure, why not? Is there a law? MATT GROENING: What are you a ghost of? SPACE GHOST: I'm the ghost of Christmas past! (pause) Now you say, "Spirit, remove me from this place!" MATT GROENING: You remind me of Casper, the friendly ghost, sort of, except you're a space version, right? Who is Casper the ghost of, Casper the little dead boy? SPACE GHOST: You wonder if I'm a little dead boy. MATT GROENING: Are you Casper grown up? SPACE GHOST: Yes, Matt, all grown up! MATT GROENING: I think Casper was actually the ghost of Richie Rich. They look very similar. SPACE GHOST: Quite wealthy, right? MATT GROENING: Mmm hmm. SPACE GHOST: But dead. MATT GROENING: (chuckles) Right! SPACE GHOST: Right. ZORAK: (in background, a la "Supertramp") You're bloody well right! SPACE GHOST: Soooo, have you ever been to outer space? MATT GROENING: Uh, other than this particular show that we're doing right now, no, I have never been in outer space. SPACE GHOST: Enjoying your first time? MATT GROENING: Well, you know, in outer space, no one can hear you sneeze! (laughs hysterically) ZORAK: (laughs) MATT GROENING: Oh!!! (Shot of control room, on auto pilot) (Back at Space Ghost's desk) SPACE GHOST: Gesundheit! MATT GROENING: Thanks! SPACE GHOST: So, Matt, are you beginning to feel my superhuman influence? It should feel tingly. MATT GROENING: Constantly, wherever I go. You know, I base my entire life on your teachings, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Now you're talkin'! (pause) Aren't you? Aren't you talkin' now? MATT GROENING: Let's go on, next question! SPACE GHOST: Good question! Okay... (scoots chair closer) Did I mention I'm interviewing you from outer space? MATT GROENING: Yes you did. SPACE GHOST: Good, because sometimes I repeat myself. MATT GROENING: The miracle of twenty-first century... SPACE GHOST: I repeat myself. (laughs) MATT GROENING: What's your real name? SPACE GHOST: What? My real name? MATT GROENING: Yeah. SPACE GHOST: Who? Me? (pause) It's... not really all that important. (trailing off) (pause) Tad Ghostal. MATT GROENING: (laughs) I like that. SPACE GHOST: I hate you, Mother. MATT GROENING: That's just what a Fox network executive said to me, uh, the other day. SPACE GHOST: That's a joke. (pause) Idn't it? (short laugh) Ever eat sushi? MATT GROENING: 'S okay. SPACE GHOST: Good eatin'. MATT GROENING: Mmm hmm. SPACE GHOST: (scoots chair away) (clears throat) Okay, how's about some advice to the would-be cartoon animators out there? MATT GROENING: Uhhh... watch the Cartoon Network, aspire, aim for the stars. Space Ghost, listen to Space Ghost... SPACE GHOST: (sings to himself) "By the time I get to Phoenix, she'll be rising..." MATT GROENING: ... I listen to Space Ghost, and look at me! I'm on the Space Ghost show! SPACE GHOST: Yeah, me too. MATT GROENING: Y'know, really, it's a great show, I really like it. It's baffling, and yet confusing. SPACE GHOST: Like a rhinestone cowboy, right? (scoots chair closer) MATT GROENING: Right. ZORAK: Wrong. :INTERRUPT FEED :START FEED (Matt is doing a puppet show with really ugly Bart and Marge Simpson marionettes; strings are all tangled up) SPACE GHOST: (laughs) MATT GROENING: (in "Marge" voice) Grrrr, Bart, you naughty brat! SPACE GHOST: Make, make the one hit the other! Make him hit him. MATT GROENING: (in "Bart" voice) "Don't have a cow, Mom." SPACE GHOST: No, move the other one! No, no, pull him back! (laughs) Make him hit him! (laughs) MATT GROENING: (in "Marge" voice) Oh, Bart, come on, I don't want... you never..." (puts the puppets down) What, what do you think? SPACE GHOST: Don't put them up! This is the only fun we've had so far in this stupid show! MATT GROENING: I'm not very good at this, I've only been practicing for a few weeks. SPACE GHOST: Do some more! ZORAK: Are you being sarcastic? SPACE GHOST: Who's that? ZORAK: (pause) Nothin'. SPACE GHOST: So, Matt, cartoon "Simpsons", funny puppet "Simpsons", how long before the live action "Simpsons"? MATT GROENING: Quite soon, as you know, animation is incredibly expensive... SPACE GHOST: Oh, absolutely! MATT GROENING: ... just, I mean, the amount of money you put into this show yourself, you know what I'm talkin' about! SPACE GHOST: (mouth doesn't move) Sure, I know what you mean. MATT GROENING: Exactly, and so, uh, we will definitely be doing a live action "Simpsons". Uh, and as far as Homer, I don't know, do you have any suggestions, to who should play Homer? SPACE GHOST: Depends. Is Homer a superhero or an evil villain? Because I may know someone. MATT GROENING: Actually, it's good that you mention that, because, uh, we were calling him for a while "Super Homer", uh, but your people had words with my people, and, uh, it's all being, uh, y'know, it's up for litigation right now, we'll see who wins, pal! (pause) Did I say "Super Homer"? I meant to say "Space Homer". I, uh, what the... you get it! Want to do that again? SPACE GHOST: We can't! We're live! MATT GROENING: Well, now you're getting silly, Space Ghost! You know... SPACE GHOST: Bring back the puppets. MATT GROENING: (stares back) SPACE GHOST: Please? MATT GROENING: (stares back) SPACE GHOST: (sighs) Okay, talk some more about cartoons. MATT GROENING: Well, it wasn't what I always wanted to do. I was actually a philosophy major in college, but, uh, let me tell you, if you're a philosophy major in college, cartoonist is basically the only career open to you. SPACE GHOST: I could have gone to college. But I didn't. And there's nothing wrong with that! Nothing! MATT GROENING: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Nothing! MATT GROENING: (chuckles) SPACE GHOST: (clears his throat) Hey Matt... have you ever considered marketing the Simpsons' image on stuff? Y'know, t-shirts, coffee mugs... ZORAK: Sweater vests? SPACE GHOST: Sweater vests, sure. MATT GROENING: Oh, marketing the Simpsons' on t-shirts and mugs, sure we could do that, but it would be wrong. SPACE GHOST: Wrong, like, how wrong? Wrong wrong? MATT GROENING: I think "pandering" is one of the words that would come to mind. SPACE GHOST: Well, Matt, we have a few marketing ideas of our own, up this little spandex sleeve of mine. MATT GROENING: Really? SPACE GHOST: One word, my friend. Footstools. ZORAK: That's two. SPACE GHOST: Any day now, you should be seeing official Space Ghost footstools, resting beneath ever foot in the known universe (pounds desk) We're starting out with footstools, you know, take it slow, and we'll probably branch out from there. And sell some other... non... footstool related... items. ZORAK: So, where do all those t-shirts come from? MATT GROENING: Those are all bootlegs, those things you see out there. We don't have anything to do with them. SPACE GHOST: Huh. "Bootleg". Is that anything like a footstool? Well, is it? MATT GROENING: I, I don't know. SPACE GHOST: Do they sell? The, uh, bootlegs, that is. MATT GROENING: You have no idea what I'm talking about. You know, I think... SPACE GHOST: Moltar, put "bootlegs" on our list. Next to, uh, footstools. (Shot of empty control room, still on autopilot) SPACE GHOST: Moltar! Zorak, what's he doing in... ZORAK: Shhh! Listen! (pause) The wind! SPACE GHOST: Okay. Well Matt, if Moltar was paying attention, he'd tell you that we're also marketing a line of exotic seasonings. Salt, pepper, ... ZORAK: Basil. SPACE GHOST: Basil, ... MATT GROENING: Mmm hmm. SPACE GHOST: We're calling it... "Spice Ghost". ZORAK: "We put the SG in MSG". SPACE GHOST: Yeah, do you like that? Zorak came up with that! MATT GROENING: Oh, really? SPACE GHOST: Anyways, we plan to package the spice rack with the footstool, and market it as the "Space Ghost Combo Pak". We spell the "pak" P-A-K. (teeth sparkle) ZORAK: Oooh! Fantastic! MATT GROENING: Mmm hmm. SPACE GHOST: Citizen Groening, please issue some words of advice to the universe. MATT GROENING: Buy "Space Ghost" cereal, but don't eat the prizes. SPACE GHOST: "Space Ghost" cereal... Hmm! Now, would that have flakes in it? MATT GROENING: Um, something like that. SPACE GHOST: Good idea, Matt! I'll see if the footstool people can make it happen. MATT GROENING: Space Ghost, I salute you. SPACE GHOST: Dismissed. MATT GROENING: Aloha. SPACE GHOST: Melekaliki maha! MATT GROENING: Thank you. (zaps off of monitor). SPACE GHOST: We need to be on top of that flake deal. ZORAK: Okey dokey. SPACE GHOST: We're going to be bigger that "The Lion King". ZORAK: Uh, okay. SPACE GHOST: Moltar, did you get all that stuff about the cereal, that part about the flakes? (Another shot of empty control room) SPACE GHOST: Moltar, are you listenin' to me? (pause) Where's Moltar? ZORAK: Um, he left about ten minutes ago. He was always a quiet child... SPACE GHOST: What? What!? ZORAK: Just pretty much kept to himself... SPACE GHOST: What are you talking about? ZORAK: I told you already, he left! SPACE GHOST: (invisos out, then invisos back) I'm checkin'. ZORAK: Go ahead. SPACE GHOST: (invisos to control room) Great Caesar's ghost! Moltar's... escaped! Oh, shoot! (Scene of a bus going down a street. Moltar is sitting inside) PASSENGER 12: (peeking up over seat behind Moltar) Pssst! Pssssst! Hey! How ya doin'? MOLTAR: Huh? PASSENGER 12: You book anythan'? MOLTAR: (pause) No. PASSENGER 12: What kinda hat is that? That's like the colors of the, uh, Buckeyes, ain't it? MOLTAR: Ehhh... PASSENGER 12: 'M I diturbin' you? MOLTAR: (sighs) Yeah... PASSENGER 12: Oh, sorry... (dramatic sting music, and:) To be continued... (Credits roll) MR. BURNS: Good day. Smithers, release the hounds. (sound of dogs barking) |