Episode 45 - "BooBooKitty" |
|
|
BEGIN TRANSMISSION SPACE GHOST: Say, what was that noise last night? ZORAK: Oh, that was my hive. It exploded. SPACE GHOST: Uh huh. ZORAK: I was microwavin' this big freakin'... MOLTAR: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: My horse?! ZORAK: No! SPACE GHOST: Better not be! ZORAK: So... can I sleep on your couch? SPACE GHOST: Sure you can! We'll be roomies! (spraying sound in background) I've got a case of Bosco and some milk, we'll make cheese dogs. Hey, I just picked up the Godfather trilogy. Finally, company! Alri- (sniffs) MOLTAR: Oh! SPACE GHOST: What's that stench? ZORAK: I'm markin' my territory! Get used to it! (Opening theme & titles) TANSUT: Hello everybody, la de da! This is Tansut, tonight... SPACE GHOST: Tansut, you're fired. TANSUT: Oh, really? SPACE GHOST: Have your locker cleaned out by five. TANSUT: (quavering voice) I won't cry. If you're wanting to see me cry, you can save your breath, because I'm not going to cry. (starts crying) Oh, what will become of me? (cries some more) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) (stares at Zorak) ZORAK: What?! SPACE GHOST: You know what, mister. I found my toothbrush marinating in the toilet this morning. ZORAK: Yeah, I rinsed it. SPACE GHOST: I'm not runnin' a flophouse for degenerate bugs. ZORAK: Never judge a bug by its shell. SPACE GHOST: What you see is what you get. ZORAK: Act in haste, repent in leisure. SPACE GHOST: He who hesitates is lost. ZORAK: Help me, Obi-wan, you're my only hope. SPACE GHOST: A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants. ZORAK: Ih... I don't know... SPACE GHOST: What did I say, now, wait a minute... ZORAK: Moltar? MOLTAR: (looking at a book) Uhhh, sorry, Space Ghost, no good. ZORAK: Ka-ching! I am the quote-master! SPACE GHOST: I'm the quotemaster! ZORAK: I am! SPACE GHOST: I am! ZORAK: Eggs and ham! SPACE GHOST: Waffle! MOLTAR: (as Space Ghost and Zorak argue in the background) Stand by, McKean, roommate quarrel. MICHAEL MCKEAN: Oh, okay. MOLTAR: Yeah, I had a roommate once. Until I boiled him in his own juices. It's a side of me nobody understands. ZORAK: Grits! SPACE GHOST: Bacon and grits! ZORAK: Cheese toast! SPACE GHOST: Fortified milk! ZORAK: Donkey Kong! SPACE GHOST: Nope, I win. MOLTAR: (looking at book again) Wait a minute... SPACE GHOST: Overruled. I am the undisputed breakfast-master. Okay! So let's welcome Michael McKean, because he's my first guest. MICHAEL MCKEAN: (monitor lowers from ceiling) Thank you, Space Ghost, this is a great honor. SPACE GHOST: Blather on about yourself. MICHAEL MCKEAN: Oh, my name is Michael McKean, I, I'm an Earth actor, um, specifically a United States Earth actor, and more specifically, uh, I'm in the Comedy Ghetto. SPACE GHOST: (to Zorak) Which is about where you're headed, Banjo Brown. ZORAK: (stares back silently) SPACE GHOST: (quietly) I don't even know what that means. Do you, Michael? MICHAEL MCKEAN: No, it's, it's just wonderful to be here, I've never... SPACE GHOST: That's nice. Do you know that living with Zorak is like living in a living nightmare? (Screen morphs to Space Ghost's apartment, with harp music) ZORAK: Paint my toenails! Get me a milk and Pepsi! Fetch my ointment! SPACE GHOST: Living with you is like living in a living nightmare! (Screen morphs back to studio, with harp music) SPACE GHOST: See that? MICHAEL MCKEAN: (looks back silently) SPACE GHOST: McKean? MICHAEL MCKEAN: (sticks tongue out at Zorak) SPACE GHOST: Hey, what are you doin'? MICHAEL MCKEAN: You'll have to excuse me, I'm feeling waves of pure evil coming from Zarak, is that me? ZORAK: "Zarak"? SPACE GHOST: Eh, hold on. Is it Zorak or Zerak or Zorak? Moltar? MOLTAR: (looking through a book again) Uhhh..... yeah. Sure. MICHAEL MCKEAN: (laughs) Thank you, Moltar. (monitor shows McKean and text:) SAT 13 120o ONE LOUDER Incoming [numbers] ZORAK: Space Ghost, look! (dramatic sting music) SPACE GHOST: Aaaah! MICHAEL MCKEAN: Ooooh! (bites his palm) SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: Nothin'. I just wanted you to look at me. SPACE GHOST: Just ignore him. Zorak was just born for fun, loyal to none. MICHAEL MCKEAN: He doesn't look happy. MICHAEL MCKEAN: Yeah, see what I mean? SPACE GHOST: Tell me about it! (Screen morphs to Space Ghost's apartment again, with harp music) SPACE GHOST: Have you seen my BooBooKitty? ZORAK: Yeah, I saw her when I let her out. SPACE GHOST: You let her out?! When?!? ZORAK: Um... yesterday. Now fix me a sandwich! I'm drying my skull. SPACE GHOST: Living with you is like living in a living nightmare! ZORAK: And do my other foot! (Screen morphs back to studio, with harp music) MOLTAR: (laughs) ZORAK: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Where is she? ZORAK: You'll never know! (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: Who knows where my BooBooKitty is? Do you know, McKean? MICHAEL MCKEAN: I'd go right to the girl's locker room. MOLTAR: Hey! (monitor shows text:) SAT 39 76o W SHLAMEAL SHLAM HOPPS AND PEPPER MICHAEL MCKEAN: Did I let something slip? ZORAK: (perturbed) Great! Thanks a lot, McKean! MICHAEL MCKEAN: Oh boy! (puts hand over his mouth) Me and my big mouth! SPACE GHOST: So! BooBooKitty's in the girl's locker room, huh? ZORAK: Yeah. Go get it. SPACE GHOST: (looks at Zorak) I'm coming, BooBooKitty! (flies off) ZORAK: (laughs) Good one, McKean! MICHAEL MCKEAN: Thank you. MOLTAR: (laughs) Yeah! SPACE GHOST: (bounds back to desk) We don't have girls up here! Where's my BooBooKitty, you villainous headborne claphole? ZORAK: (laughing) She's gone! Gone for good! SPACE GHOST: But why? I gave her everything she ever needed. ZORAK: Everything but love! She hated you! And that's why I set her free. SPACE GHOST: Nooooooooooooooooo!!! (distraught, puts hand over face) BooBoo! BooBooKitty! I didn't love you enough! I must now lash out at everyone around me! Feel my anger! (blasts Zorak with powerbands) (blasts Moltar) (blasts Michael) (blasts Zorak again) (blasts Moltar again) (blasts Zorak again) DAVID LANDER: (appears on monitor, talks in Squiggy voice) Hello, I just wanna say that I really like being here, out in the outer... in outer space areas of this place. And, uh, it's like, it's like so, it's so real it's like bein' in a movie. SPACE GHOST: (stares back silently) ZORAK: (stares back silently) MOLTAR: (lies on his back silently) SPACE GHOST: (laughs) ZORAK: (laughs) MOLTAR: (laughs) (Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from outside; an ominous shadow approaches the building, with cat ears on top, dramatic music plays) INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION SPACE GHOST: (still laughing) ZORAK: (still laughing) MOLTAR: (still laughing) DAVID LANDER: (still in Squiggy voice) I feel like everything here is trick photograpy SPACE GHOST: Hey, that sounds like, uh, like that guy, that guy, with the show, the show where, where the guy talked like, it's... ZORAK: Like, um, that guy, from, uh, it's... it's Balki, from TV's "Perfect Strangers". MOLTAR: No, it's not, it's Angie Dickinson. You know, Pepper, TV's "Police Woman". (monitor shows text:) ONE LOUDER. 11 ALWAYS 11. SPACE GHOST: Boy, Angie, you've really let yourself go. (Wait a minute! Angie Dickinson was a statuesque blonde!) Who are you!? DAVID LANDER: Hello, I'm Freddy Herbie. You know me, "I thought they was prunes!" SPACE GHOST: They weren't prunes? What the heck were they? (pause) And now I'm having a new thought. One. One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. (sings quietly) BooBoo, you're a fine cat, what a good wife you would be. Ohhh!! (puts hand over face) (Shot of Ghost Planet Industries building from outside, with dramatic music. BooBooKitty floats by) ZORAK: Hey, you're outta toilet paper! SPACE GHOST: Oh, Zorak, that reminds me, you're no longer my new roommate. ZORAK: That's fine. You're outta Tang anyway. (sprays again) SPACE GHOST: Ugghh! DAVID LANDER: Ooof, goodness! Tacos, huh? MOLTAR: Hey, Space Ghost! Your beef logs are here. (monitor shows text:) CAM 02 INCOMING SHIPMENT 400 BEEF LOGS SPACE GHOST: Just stack them on the dock, Moltar. Lincoln log style, like I showed ya. MOLTAR: (sighs) Let me get my lumbar harness. (walks off) SPACE GHOST: I love beef logs, don't you? DAVID LANDER: Oh boy, do I. I'll tell ya, I really do. SPACE GHOST: Didja ever weigh yourself, then eat a whole beef log, then weigh yourself again? DAVID LANDER: Mmm, oh please, I'm hungry, and you're tellin' me beef log, oh, that's great. SPACE GHOST: (quietly) BooBooKitty and I used to do that. DAVID LANDER: You ever throw one on the fire just to keep warm? SPACE GHOST: Didja ever make a baby with one? A beef log baby? You ever take 'em and make a little village full of beef log babies, and then they all rise up against you and try to kill your head? DAVID LANDER: (long pause) Um, no. SPACE GHOST: That's when I have to lie down. That reminds me of a joke! DAVID LANDER: Okay, go ahead and tell me one. SPACE GHOST: There's this guy, see, he's from Alabama. And he gets busted for tryin' to smuggle books, into Kentucky! DAVID LANDER: (pauses, then nods) That's good, it has some... I guess it loses something in the, the translation, you know. SPACE GHOST: Did I mention that the guy from Alabama was my mother-in-law? (laughs) Hey, good night, everybody. DAVID LANDER: You might wanna, the next time you tell a joke, you might wanna say "And now the joke is over," and then the person can laugh, 'cause I think that's, that helps so much. ZORAK: I know a guy who had two noses. MOLTAR: How does he smell? ZORAK: Awful! (laughs) MOLTAR: (laughs) That's right, he smells awful! (laughs) ZORAK: And now the joke's over. (Moltar keeps laughing) SPACE GHOST: I like those glasses you have. DAVID LANDER: Yeah? SPACE GHOST: Yeah, there's really nothing that I don't like about you. Freddy, will you be my new roommate? DAVID LANDER: That's the main reason I'm on the show. SPACE GHOST: Really? Oh boy! Hey, you wanna put on some pressure suits and go outside and see my interplanetary monument to the safety pin? (dramatic music, BooBooKitty floats by outside the studio window, Space Ghost doesn't notice) I just erected it. (BooBooKitty floats toward giant open safety pin outside, dramatic music) MOLTAR: Hey, Space Ghost, look out the window. SPACE GHOST: (sees BooBooKitty floating by) Well, BooBooKitty! Come crawlin' back to Daddy, huh? MOLTAR: Isn't she drifting precariously close to your big pin? SPACE GHOST: (gasps) Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... (BooBooKitty drifts closer to pin) SPACE GHOST: ...ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... (takes a breath) Nooooooooooooooooooooo... (BooBooKitty drifts closer and closer, finally connects with business end of safety pin, punctures & spins off out of control) SPACE GHOST: I warned Christo, I told him we needed a rubber safety tip! (as BooBooKitty jets by outside the window) ZORAK: (stares at Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: What, you guys saw me, there's nothin' I could have done. ZORAK: You could have gone out there and saved her. MOLTAR: Yeah, I mean, it would only have taken a second to move her out of the way. ZORAK: Yeah, it's not like she was heavy or anything. MOLTAR: I think you wanted her to die. SPACE GHOST: Well, I guess we'll never know, 'cause now I have a new pet! And he's the best and most favorite pet I've ever had! Billy the porpoise! See you back at the ranch, roomie! It's pizza night! (flies off) DAVID LANDER: Yeah, where do you guys go to eat? ZORAK: Rock 'n Bowl, pizza in a cup. It's good. (Cowboy music in background, Space Ghost rides a porpoise on a stick) SPACE GHOST: Yippee ki yi yay! Merrrry Christmas, everybody! Billy: (chirps) (Credits roll) DAVID LANDER: I feel like everything here is trick photography. (Boing!) (pop!) (hisssssss!) |