Episode 48 - "Pavement" |
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION SPACE GHOST: (sips coffee) Guess who write tonight's show? (no response) Come on, guess! ZORAK: (sighs) Who write it? SPACE GHOST: Me! I writed! (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Greetings, everyone! I am Space Ghost, the most powerful being that have ever existed in the world of the universe! You know it. I know it. Moltar know it. Zorak know it. Tansut know it. Brak know it. Lokar know it. And those other people know it, too. MOLTAR: (speaking lines badly) It is a pleasure to work for someone (disgusted sigh) so good. (monitor shows text:) KEEP KREL VID-USER SPACE GHOST: Thank you, Moltar! Zorak? ZORAK: (reading from script, sighs) I am a foul and degenerate creature, I will now play the music. (Way outs play screechy violin recital music) SPACE GHOST: (invisos to desk) Zorak, that was very bad. That song you played; you go to prison. ZORAK: Nuts to that action! SPACE GHOST: Stick with the script! (aims his power bands) ZORAK: Awright, awright, I'm goin' to prison! Geez! SPACE GHOST: Moltar, get me the Beatles to replace Zorak. MOLTAR: A-okay, chief. (quietly) Uh, Space Ghost, I, I'm not gonna be able to get the Beatles. SPACE GHOST: (quietly) Shhh, just get anybody, the audience won't know. They're all stupid. (monitor shows text:) KNEELIN ELLS ZORAK: Hey, um, am I really going to prison? SPACE GHOST: (quietly) No, just go stand over there. (aloud) Moltar, get me a guest. MOLTAR: You just told me to get the Beatles. SPACE GHOST: Moltar, you go to prison! (monitor shows text:) SPITTLE TRUCK MOLTAR: (walking off) I'm confused by this whole deal... ZORAK: (standing off-stage with Moltar, holding script) Hey, welcome to prison... SPACE GHOST: Wait a second... ZORAK: ... whattya in for? SPACE GHOST: Alright, everyone freeze. Don't move! Moltar, go back to your post. You are no longer a prisoner; that was a flashback. MOLTAR: Oh. (walks back to control room) SPACE GHOST: Alright, now we're back in the present, where I am a superhero talk show host, who is also a successful defense attorney, up against the fight of his life, but that hasn't been revealed yet, and Moltar is getting the guest, aaaaand... action! MOLTAR: (pause) Me? (monitor shows text:) S.E.C. 7 ZORAK IS STAINED SPACE GHOST: Yeah. MOLTAR: (speaking lines badly) Master, master I offer unto thee, TV's Colin Quinn. (aside) Choke on it. (throws lever, sends Colin to studio monitor) SPACE GHOST: (as monitor lowers) TV's Colin Quinn! Prepare to bask in my greatness! COLIN QUINN: Thanks, Space Ghost, it's a pleasure to be here. SPACE GHOST: It is I who is administering the pleasure on this show. COLIN QUINN: Is this posture too effeminate, is this okay... SPACE GHOST: It really doesn't matter, because even though I've just made you a big star, you're no longer a guest on my show. COLIN QUINN: (looks surprised) Okay. SPACE GHOST: Next guest, Moltar! MOLTAR: Oh, um, TV's Red Green. (throws lever, monitor cuts from Colin Colin to a quick shot of Boris Yeltsin dancing to Red) RED GREEN: You are, uh, you are, uh, you're a big fella. SPACE GHOST: That's sweet! RED GREEN: You are a big, big fella. SPACE GHOST: No! I'm a big big star! From this point on, no one talk to me! RED GREEN: (stares back silently, puzzled) SPACE GHOST: I would like my chocolate ice cream now. MOLTAR: (walks up to desk) (sighs) Here's your chocolate ice cream, my lord. (slams bowl down on desk) SPACE GHOST: Thank you, stupid idiot. MOLTAR: (muffles a scream) You're welcome. (walks off) RED GREEN: Gosh sakes... SPACE GHOST: Silence!! RED GREEN: (smiles) Alright. SPACE GHOST: (eats his ice cream) RED GREEN: I have a couple poems, would you like one? SPACE GHOST: (stops eating) Hold that thought, Red, it's time for me to read a poem now: When your life's a chain of troubles, And your dreams all broken bubbles, While your woes recur in doubles, Simply pause, and smile a while. (sobs, puts hand in front of his face) (sniff) I'm crying! Because I wanted you to see the full range (sniff) of my emotions! (following text scrolls by on screen:) All Hollywood producers are ordered to contact Space Ghost as soon as possible. SPACE GHOST: I might stop by your lodge someday, Red! RED GREEN: Give us lots of warning, huh? SPACE GHOST: And remember, (belches) RED GREEN: Yikes! Don't come on Mexican night, you'll regret it. SPACE GHOST: Thank you, Red. Now, go away from my monitor screen. RED GREEN: (holds up two videos he is plugging) That's it... (fades from monitor) (Trumpet fanfare, as band members take their places on the Way Outs' bandstand) MOLTAR: The Beatles have arrived, my lege. SPACE GHOST: Colin, the Beatles are here! COLIN QUINN: (back on monitor, chants/sings:) Space Ghost, Space Ghost, he's a ... (mumbles something) (laughs) SPACE GHOST: (laughs) Laughing at me with your big star mouth. Let us see how Zorak is doing in prison. ZORAK: (stares back from the wings, silently) SPACE GHOST: Let us see how Zorak is doing in prison. COLIN QUINN: Is that where you say somethin'? ZORAK: Oh! Um... (scans script, then recites lines badly) Oh, I am in my cell. Oh, how I wished I would have played that song good, and that I was back in my keyboard. SPACE GHOST: Justice has been deserved. (sound of prison cell door closing) (back at his desk) Don't go away, we'll be right back with "Meet the Beatles". (pause) We're back, now's the time for a special segment of my show called "Space Ghost of the Cosmos Calling". MOLTAR: (looking at his script book) Hey, wait a minute! This isn't in the script! SPACE GHOST: Hello, Timmy, is that you? TIMMY: (actually Space Ghost talking in high voice with his hand over his face) Hello, hello! Hi Timmy, I, I mean, hi Space Ghost! SPACE GHOST: Hi, Timmy, Space Ghost of the Cosmos calling! TIMMY: Oh, boy, I can't believe it! Is it really you? SPACE GHOST: You better believe it, Timmy! TIMMY: Your show is the bestest... SPACE GHOST: Thanks, Timmy, keep pluggin' away! TIMMY: But Space- SPACE GHOST: And keep on truckin'! TIMMY: I've been sick, I've been so very sick! SPACE GHOST: Oh! Well, uh, come on, get better, why don't you? TIMMY: Thank you, Space Ghost, I'm starting - SPACE GHOST: That's right, Timmy. And tell your doctor that Space Ghost of the Cosmos made a house call! (to camera) This is the best show ever. INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION SPACE GHOST: Welcome back, stupid viewers. You'll watch anything! Go ahead, change the channel, you'll be back! And now, right here on our stage tonight, the Beatles! (Pavement plays their song, "Space Ghost") SPACE GHOST: (as they play) Aaaah! What?! (band keeps playing in background, Space Ghost shouts over their playing) Now, ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Goldie Hawn! GOLDIE HAWN: (monitor lowers with Goldie) Thank you very much, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: You look great, Goldie, how do you stay in such great shape? GOLDIE HAWN: Uh, Tony ???? SPACE GHOST: What? GOLDIE HAWN: He, um... SPACE GHOST: What? GOLDIE HAWN: He is a very special... SPACE GHOST: What? (Pavement keeps playing their song) SPACE GHOST: (sticks head in corner of screen, "sings":) Space Ghost, living the high life! (Pavement plays big finish) SPACE GHOST: That was jolly good! Jolly good! STEVE WEST: Time to go! Bye bye. SPACE GHOST: Now it appears that it's time for our next guest to appear. Moltar, send out my next guest. I will be back shortly, so don't worry about sending the guest out now, just do it now. That way the guest will be ready when my questioning begins upon my return. MOLTAR: As you wish, O mighty mighty one. (throws lever, sends Tommy to studio monitor) (to himself) This just bites, is all. SPACE GHOST: What did you say? MOLTAR: I said, This. Just. Bites. Is all. SPACE GHOST: What page are you on? MOLTAR: This is the worst show! You know it, I know it, Zorak know it... ZORAK: (reading script) I, Zorak, have decided to dig a tunnel to escape... MOLTAR: Shut up, Zorak! ZORAK: ... prison. SPACE GHOST: On we go! Greet me, Tommy Davidson! TOMMY DAVIDSON: (impersonating Sammy Davis Jr., sings) Spa-a-ace Ghost! SPACE GHOST: (laughs and laughs) TOMMY DAVIDSON: (impersonating Al Jarreau, sings) Space Ghost, ???? out in the u-u-universe. SPACE GHOST: (finishes laughing) Woo, lord. TOMMY DAVIDSON: OK, I hear ya. SPACE GHOST: What did I just say? TOMMY DAVIDSON: Woo, lord! SPACE GHOST: You are an attentive listener! I like the shape of your head! TOMMY DAVIDSON: (bats his eyelashes) I like you. SPACE GHOST: I like you too, Dan. ZORAK: (clears his throat) This tunnel that I am digging out of the prison is much longer and much more difficult than I had anticipated. GREAT GAZOO: (zaps in) I am here to help you in your time of trouble. SPACE GHOST: Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Gazoo! GREAT GAZOO: Toodle-loo, dum dums! (zaps out) SPACE GHOST: The Great Gazoo, ladies and gentlemen. ZORAK: Hey, I thought he was supposed to help me with my tunnel! SPACE GHOST: No, that was a cameo. Hel-looo! TOMMY DAVIDSON: (impersonating Al Jarreau, sings) Zo-rak! We-e-e are here wai-ting, me-e-e and Space Ghost! SPACE GHOST: (sounding like Nelson Eddy, sings) That's right, Tommy! We-e-e are here wai-ting, me-e-e and Tommy! ZORAK: Hey, Space Ghost, about this finale. How you gonna do all this stuff with Jupiter, and... who's Fidor? MOLTAR: Yeah, where are you gonna get all the money for that? ZORAK: I don't think it's feasible. SPACE GHOST: Just read your line. ZORAK: (reads script) Space Ghost, Fidor is trying to eat Jupiter. MOLTAR: Someone must stop him. SPACE GHOST: Sounds like Fidor needs to go out for a walk, Space Ghost style! (flies off) TOMMY DAVIDSON: Good one. (Action insert: Space Ghost vs. Fidor, with dramatic background music) FIDOR: (eating Jupiter, which looks amazingly like the Ghost Planet's moon; Space Ghost "flies in" and hits him) Ruff! Space Ghost! Ruff! SPACE GHOST: Looks like your bark is worse than your bite, Fidor! (punches Fidor several more times) (standing on top of "Jupiter", as Fidor eats out of his dog dish) Once again, I have saved the universe! (Fidor bumps Jupiter, Space Ghost hits the deck, then "flies off". Dramatic music concludes) SPACE GHOST: (bounds back to desk) (exhales) All evil everywhere is vanquished, just like I write it to happen. MOLTAR: (reading script) Hail the returing hero. SPACE GHOST: Yes, yes. And also, Moltar, from this point on, I write all the world shows, because everyone watching turns out to like them so much. Tommy Davidson, you may now return safely to your planet. TOMMY DAVIDSON: Thanks for having me. (fades from monitor) SPACE GHOST: Zorak, I am freeing you from prison at this very moment. ZORAK: Oh, how I... SPACE GHOST: There! All is well, all over the place. You may now be left with the Beatles. (Pavement sings again, during closing credits) (Credits roll) SPACE GHOST: This show's so good, I'm thinking about not even airing it. |