Episode 51 - "Piledriver" |
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BEGIN TRANSMISSION (Camera zooms in on barn with "School Dance" sign on front. Inside, Freddy, Daphne, Shaggy and Velma are all dancing to 60's music. Their lines are voiced over as indicated below) SPACE GHOST: (as Shaggy) This is a groovy dance floor, isn't it Velma? MOLTAR: (as Velma) Yeah. Why don't you try dancing on it instead of my feet? ZORAK: (as Scooby Doo) (taps Shaggy's shoulder) Ray I rut in? (dances with Shaggy) MOLTAR: (as Velma) Well! I've seen a wallflower before, but this is ridiculous! (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Greetings, citizens! I'm Space Ghost. What do you get when you cross a zombie with a raven? A very dead bird. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (in the wings) Yes sir! Dead as a doornail! That is what ya get, yeah! ZORAK: Who's the geezer? SPACE GHOST: Also visiting tonight is my granddad, all the way from Boca Raton. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: The Sunshine State, ooooh yeah! ZORAK: Sounds like Randy Savage. SPACE GHOST: Well, it's not, Zorak, it's my granddad, okay? So you can just shut up about that, Zorak. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Ooooh yeah, you tell him, Taddy! ZORAK: Well, it looks like you with a pasted-on beard. SPACE GHOST: It's not, Zorak, okay? Those are real hairs, I can see 'em from here. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Who's that little runt over there, is that Blip? SPACE GHOST: No, Grandpa, that's Zorak. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: How ya doin', Blip? I need to start you out with some chin-ups. ZORAK: Stay away from me, old fool. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Who's that red-headed fellow over there? SPACE GHOST: That's Moltar, my director. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Moltar, from "The Ovens of Moltor." I met your father once in a steel cage match. I wish you could've seen your old man! Weepin' like a woman after my patented piledriver! Yeah, your dad remembers me. Ooooh yeah! (monitor shows text:) MAN MOUNTAIN MIKE VS THE HANGMAN MOLTAR: But he whupped up on you pretty good in the Texas death match. (Monitor shows text:) THUNDERBOLT PATTERSON VS KOA GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Huh! 'Cause he snuck up behind me with a foreign object. He shoulda been disqualified! MOLTAR: Hey, if the ref didn't see it, it didn't happen! (monitor shows text:) CAM 3 ATOMIC KELLY SMASH TOMMY??? VS SANDMAN SPACE GHOST: Hey, break it up, you two. It's time for my first guest. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Oh, yeah, talk show, go for it. SPACE GHOST: (invisos to desk) (clears throat) My first guest tonight... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: I'll be over here if you need me. SPACE GHOST: (pause) ... is Rob Zombie, of the band White... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Won't say a word! SPACE GHOST: (pause) ... White Zombie. (monitor lowers with Rob) Welcome, Mr. Zombie! ROB ZOMBIE: Thank you, Mr. Ghost. SPACE GHOST: So, I hear you're a zombie. That must really be something. ROB ZOMBIE: It's not, there's not a whole lot to being an undead guy. SPACE GHOST: I hear you zombies like to eat people. ROB ZOMBIE: Wake up in the morning, have my Cheerios, you know, go back to bed. You don't get to do much. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Except eat people! ROB ZOMBIE: It's not true. SPACE GHOST: Oh, it's true alright, my grandpa just said so. ROB ZOMBIE: Look, if I said it wasn't true the first time, it's not true the second time, buddy. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Hey there, cannibal, that's my grandson you're talkin' to! ZORAK: (laughs) You tell him, Pappy! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Shut it, Blip! ZORAK: It's Zorak, you crusty...
(Saucer crab descends and lands on alien planet) SAUCER CRAB: Gozar of the tiny hut-people, now is the time for your weekly beating. Gozar: (comes out of a tiny metallic hut) Is that you, saucer crab? SAUCER CRAB: (ray gun pops up, blasts Gozar and hut to smithereens) Ha-ha-Ha! Ha-ha-Ha! Ha-ha-Ha! See you next Thursday! (flies off) (Back in the studio) ROB ZOMBIE: You followin' me, space boy? GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Who you callin' 'boy'? ROB ZOMBIE: Yeah, that's right, muscle boy. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Show him your awesome deltoids, Tadville! SPACE GHOST: Like this, Grandpa? (stands up and stretches muscles several times) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Flex it out more, space man! ROB ZOMBIE: They inflateable? They look fake. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Tag out, Taddie, I wanna taste some zombie meat! SPACE GHOST: Please, Grandpa, I can handle this myself. ROB ZOMBIE: You're a sad pathetic man. ZORAK: (laughs) MOLTAR: (laughs) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Tag out! I'll rip his face off! SPACE GHOST: Grandpa, please! I can manage this situation in a civil and orderly... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Talk, talk, talk, is that all you're good for? SPACE GHOST: Well, well I... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Gabbity gab, just like your mother. SPACE GHOST: Hey, let's leave Mom... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: What kind of superhero are you? Isn't there a planet out there that needs your help or somethin'? SPACE GHOST: Sure, but... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: You got three seconds to get outta here before I break out the atomic elbow, brotha! SPACE GHOST: (stares at him) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: One! ... SPACE GHOST: (sighs, then flies off) MOLTAR: Okay, Zombie, looks like Grandpa's taken over. (Monitor shows text:) SAT T4 ONE-LEGGED BOSTON CRAB ROB ZOMBIE: I'll knock that little freak silly. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Time to step into the squared circle, son. ROB ZOMBIE: I'm here, make your move. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Welcome to Leonard Ghostal's Twilight Zone, yeah! ROB ZOMBIE: You're dead, nobody wants you anymore, your time's up. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: No, your time's up! (fires his power bands, they make wimpy popping sounds and a few sparks) Dagnabbit! ZORAK: You're shooting blanks, Grandpa! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Shut your pie hole, Blip! Why, twenty years ago I woulda put your head in a half nelson, twisted it around, saying each letter of the alphabet on every turn, and then when I reached the first letter of my true love's name, it would be the lovely Elizabeth, I would yank your head clean off and roll it down the pike like a bowling ball! ZORAK: (wide-eyed) Okay. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Alright, here we go, what're we doin'? INTERRUPT TRANSMISSION RESUME TRANSMISSION GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (Monitor shows text:) CAM 3 ATOMIC KELLY SMASH 9/11/66 TOMMY ???? SANDMAN (followed by) CAM 3 BULLDOG HEADLOCK 9/11/66 MAN MOUNTAIN MIKE VS THE HANGMAN GRANDPA GHOSTAL: And that's how I captured the world television title, during "Clash of the Cosmos IV", in front of...(monitor shows text:) THUNDERBOLT PATTERSON VS KOA MOLTAR: You're on, old-timer. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Don't crowd me, Ringo. MOLTAR: It's time for the next guest. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Where is she, is she invisible? (Raven is on the monitor, Grandpa is looking towards Zorak) ZORAK: Look at the monitor! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Whatsit? MOLTAR: Look at the TV, on your right! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Ooh! Hey there, little girl, what's your name? RAVEN SYMONE: Well, I'm Raven Symone, and I'm ten years old. I was on "Hangin' with Mr. Cooper" and "The Cosby Show". GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (shouting) Did you know that you're on the TV? RAVEN SYMONE: Yes! Just like you. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (shouting) Have you met any famous people on the TV? ZORAK: Stop yelling, she can hear you. RAVEN SYMONE: I've met Whitney Houston, I've met Michael Jackson, I've met... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Have you met Haystack Calhoun? He was a mountain of a man! I sent him home to Mommy with a rollin' DDT! How about Gorgeous George? Keith "Wild Moon" McDaniel? Leaping Lanny? Wildfire Tommy Ritz? They all fell victim to my credit! Purple, nurple, Jerry Belly, oh yeah! (Zorak sips coffee and Moltar reads a book during this monolog) RAVEN SYMONE: (stares back in silence) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: You still with me?
SPACE GHOST: Well, The Mind Taker, it seems that you have me tied up! MIND TAKER: (blasts Space Ghost in the face with rays from his eyes) SPACE GHOST: (grunts and groans) (I don't know, maybe Grandpa was right. I kinda miss this.) MIND TAKER: (stops blasting) (giggles) SPACE GHOST: I will not let you defeat me, vile villain! MIND TAKER: (blasts Space Ghost again) SPACE GHOST: (grunts and groans) (Oh, what am I thinking? My heart's not really in this. I don't really belong here. Man, how long can he keep this up?) (Back in the studio) RAVEN SYMONE: Yeah, I can, like, do all sorts of stuff, I can bend my pinky back, and I can... GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Don't you raise a hand to me, missy, I'll put you in a figure four leg lock! RAVEN SYMONE: I haven't done anything bad yet. ZORAK: Except for this show! (evil laugh) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Shut up, Blip, or I'll slam your head so far down between your shoulder blades, you'll have to open that vest to face your own anguish as I hold a mirror up to your midsection! Yeah! (Back in The Mind Taker's lair) MIND TAKER: (continues blasting Space Ghost and giggling) SPACE GHOST: (Yeah, this is gonna get infected.) (Back in the studio) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: You ever get the thrill of slingin' one of your little school chums against the mat and watchin' their eyes roll back in their head like they're some kind of little freak? RAVEN SYMONE: No, not really, I try to be, you know, nice to people. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: You don't know what you're missin', little missy! The back breaker, yeah! (Crowd noise grows in background, while Granpa Ghostal goes on talking) MOLTAR: (wrestling announcer style) What's this? Zorak has picked up a folding chair. Seems to be making his way to deskside. I tell ya, you don't want someone comin' at you with one of those things, you can do some serious damage. I wanna take this time to apologize to the television audience for what they're about to see. (as Moltar talks, monitor shows text:) RED THE RIPPER VS ???JACK??? ZORAK: (who has been walking towards the desk with a folding chair) (bashes Grandpa repeatly with the chair) MOLTAR: Ohhhh! Let's not forget that Leonard Ghostal is retired. And that act of violence was very extreme! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (lying on the floor) (groans) ZORAK: Yeah, you had it comin', Ghostal! (hears sound of screeching tires, looks wide-eyed) MOLTAR: Uh oh! SPACE GHOST: (invisos to set) Grandpa! What happened? ZORAK: Uh, he fell down. MOLTAR: Because of an.. accident. That happened. ZORAK: That made him.. fall down. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Is, is that you, Thaddeus? SPACE GHOST: Are you alright?! Talk to me, Grandpa, say something! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Your pet monkey hit me with a folding chair. SPACE GHOST: (aims power bands at Zorak, prepares to fire) ZORAK: Hol-hol-hol-hol-hold it... The, uh, the Cosby kid made me do it. SPACE GHOST: Be gone, wicked girl child of television's "Hanging with Mr. Cooper"! (zaps Raven off the monitor) ZORAK: Good shot! She was askin' for it. It's about time you did somethin' about her. She was trouble. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (gets up and sneaks toward Zorak while he is talking) Aaaah! (jumps in front of Zorak and hits him with the back of his forearm) Taste the pain, brotha! (he holds Zorak upside down) ZORAK: Mommy! That's my bad knee! Mommy! (Knock knock knock!) (Everybody stops what they are doing) MOLTAR: What can I do for ya? SAUCER CRAB: Space Ghost, please. MOLTAR: Space Ghost, there's a saucer crab out here to see ya. SAUCER CRAB: I wish to give him the beating of his life. SPACE GHOST: (slinks down behind his desk) Tell him I'm not here. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: What?! MOLTAR: He says he's not here. SAUCER CRAB: Come outside, sniveling coward. Now is the time for your weekly beating. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Beating? SPACE GHOST: Shh, Grandpa, be quiet, and maybe he'll go away. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Punk him out, Tadley! SPACE GHOST: But he has a death ray! GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Well, if you're not gonna do it, then I will! I'm callin' you out, crab! (flies off) SPACE GHOST: (in commanding voice) You go ahead, Grandpa, I'll take care of things here. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: (flying toward saucer crab) I'll show you what you get when you go mano y mano with the Gray Ghost. (Hatch opens, tractor beam catches Grandpa and draws him upwards) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: What?! Ahh! Ooooh! Usin' a tractor beam on an old man, eh? SAUCER CRAB: Silence, old man! (door closes) GRANDPA GHOSTAL: It's okay, Les, I think we're out of range. (Credits roll) SAUCER CRAB: Was that too much? GRANDPA GHOSTAL: No, no, no, you were great! Thanks for the rescue, man! SAUCER CRAB: Don't mention it. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Who's, uh, next on the beating list? SAUCER CRAB: Earthling Mary Hart. GRANDPA GHOSTAL: Finally, some Entertainment Tonight! (laughs) SAUCER CRAB: (laughs) (Sound of folding chair connecting with Grandpa's head) |