Episode 61 - "Cahill" |
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Waiting (Space Ghost, Zorak and Moltar in the commissary) SPACE GHOST: (puts his head down momentarily) Storm's a-comin'. MOLTAR: (sighs) Mmm, time to go to the commissary. Got to eat me some Jell-O. I like green! (laughs) (Opening theme & titles) SPACE GHOST: (during theme) I got a monkey. (Theme & titles continue, Space Ghost is being zapped as he attempts to inviso in) SPACE GHOST: Aaah! Aaaah! Aaaaah! MOLTAR: (laughs) ZORAK: (in high voice, to Moltar) Are you doin' that? SPACE GHOST: Pain... pain... pain hurts! It burns! MOLTAR: Um... no. (laughs with Zorak) SPACE GHOST: Look, ??? (high voice) Ba-ba-loo! ZORAK: (zaps to negative image) SPACE GHOST: (groans, sniffs) Is someone fryin' bacon? MOLTAR: Um... no. SPACE GHOST: Who said that? (Everyone screams) ZORAK: Ehhh, whose donuts are these? MOLTAR: (paging through book) It seems that the static electricity from the oncoming storm is triggering a.. microinductor.. dylfilabro... SPACE GHOST: What's this now? MOLTAR: Dyloptiloid. SPACE GHOST: What is it? MOLTAR: Microinductor dyloptiloid. SPACE GHOST: Oh, oh oh oh oh. Yeah. MOLTAR: Not a word I use every day. SPACE GHOST: So, what is that? Like, lightning? MOLTAR: Uh huh. SPACE GHOST: Man, I hate lightning. ZORAK: You mean you're scared of it. SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: Fraidy cat! SPACE GHOST: Wrong! ZORAK: Scaredy puss! SPACE GHOST: Wrong! ZORAK: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Stop lying, Zorak! We're all so very sick of your lies! ZORAK: (continues to laugh) SPACE GHOST: Moltar! Get me a meteorologist now! MOLTAR: It's just a little space storm! SPACE GHOST: Do it! Zorak, play me to the desk. ZORAK: (plays Space Ghost to the desk with ragtime piano, and continues to play in background; Space Ghost walks to his desk) Space Ghost! SPACE GHOST: Yes? ZORAK: Did you just walk to the desk? SPACE GHOST: Yes, yes I did. ZORAK: What's the matter, you scared? SPACE GHOST: (scribbling) I don't talk to big fat liars whose lies we're all so - (thunder sounds; Space Ghost makes gibbering noises) ZORAK: Riiight. SPACE GHOST: Moltar! MARK MCEWEN: (to Moltar) Ah. The answer, O talk dark handsome stranger... SPACE GHOST: Moltar! MARK MCEWEN: ... what time? SPACE GHOST: Moltar! MOLTAR: (to Mark) Hang on, big boy. (throws lever, puts Space Ghost on his monitor) What!? SPACE GHOST: Where's my first guest? MOLTAR: Thought you wanted a meteorologist. SPACE GHOST: Well... guest first, then meteorologist. MOLTAR: You sure? SPACE GHOST: Yup. MOLTAR: Okay. SPACE GHOST: Hurry! MOLTAR: Ehhh... (throws lever, Garrett appears on his monitor) GARRETT MORRIS: I got some questions I wanna ask this sucker. MOLTAR: Alright, let me get a level from you. GARRETT MORRIS: Sound check, yeah. (sings) "Sound check!" MOLTAR: Alright. GARRETT MORRIS: (sings again, louder) "Sound check! Sound check!!" MOLTAR: Alright, I got it! GARRETT MORRIS: (sings quietly) "Sound check." (scats briefly) MOLTAR: Garrett! GARRETT MORRIS: Huh? MOLTAR: Now, if you have any problems, like if you're not getting enough oxygen... GARRETT MORRIS: I need some cash. MOLTAR: What? GARRETT MORRIS: Y'see, I thought you were real, but you said if I had any problems, so you know what I mean, I just came with the problem, I need some cash. MOLTAR: Uh... no Ingl�s. (throws lever) GARRETT MORRIS: Okay, bro. SPACE GHOST: Ladies and gentlemen... (thunder clap) Aaaah! (hides under his desk) GARRETT MORRIS: Don't disappear! Don't disappear! Where are you going? MOLTAR: (to Mark McEwen) Hey. ZORAK: (finally stops playing ragtime piano) SPACE GHOST: (still hiding under his desk, peeks up over edge) Dropped my pen. ZORAK: Riiiight. GARRETT MORRIS: Vamanos ale titi. SPACE GHOST: What was that? GARRETT MORRIS: That's Creole for "let's go", you know. SPACE GHOST: Wow. GARRETT MORRIS: Yeah, it means "little one, let's go." SPACE GHOST: May I say that? GARRETT MORRIS: Yeah. SPACE GHOST: Okay, here we go. GARRETT MORRIS: Vamanos ale titi. SPACE GHOST: Vamanos ale titi. (thunder clap) Aaay! (hides under his desk again) GARRETT MORRIS: (laughs) ZORAK: (laughs) What's the matter? You scared? SPACE GHOST: I'm not afraid of lightning. ZORAK: (evil laughter) SPACE GHOST: (talking to Garrett from under his desk) Well, look what we have here. Greetings citizen, welcome to the big show. GARRETT MORRIS: (laughs) Greetings, uh, citizen, uh, I'm glad to be on the show. SPACE GHOST: Identify yourself. GARRETT MORRIS: Uh, I am, uh, Garrett, uh, Morris, uh, 101. SPACE GHOST: I am Fantasmo. MARK MCEWEN: And stop blamin' me. When there's bad news, they don't blame Dan Rather, do they? MOLTAR: No, not really. MARK MCEWEN: But when it's bad weather, they blame me. MOLTAR: I would never blame you. MARK MCEWEN: (in Elvis voice) Thank you very much, big guy. MOLTAR: I'm totally serious. GARRETT MORRIS: Do they, like, believe in cash out there in the universe? SPACE GHOST: (still under his desk) What's this now? GARRETT MORRIS: Money money money money money. SPACE GHOST: I don't have any money. GARRETT MORRIS: (sings) Money! SPACE GHOST: (sings) I don't have any! GARRETT MORRIS: (sings) Some people, got to have it. SPACE GHOST: I don't have any money (stands up) GARRETT MORRIS: (sings) Some people, really need it. SPACE GHOST: Hellooo! (sits down) GARRETT MORRIS: (sings) Do things, do things, do things, good things with it. SPACE GHOST: I'm talkin' to myself. MARK MCEWEN: (laughs) If I could control the weather, I would own the Space Ghost talk show, because if people, if I could control it, it would be Mark McEwen's Weather Controlling. MOLTAR: (laughs) There you go. MARK MCEWEN: And, I'd live in Hawaii, I'd be a lot fatter, and I'd have a hula hoop, one of those skirt things on. I'd be topless, sittin' around, just kinda drinkin', y'know, ice teas and eatin', like, chocolate chip cookies. Rich. MOLTAR: I like the way you jiggle, weather man. MARK MCEWEN: (laughs) MOLTAR: (laughs) Yeah! GARRETT MORRIS: Hey, man, I be listenin' to jazz all the time. That was Ebonics, I just said, "I be". SPACE GHOST: Right. (thunder clap) (goes back under his desk) ZORAK: Hey, that ain't the Queen's English! GARRETT MORRIS: I know that. "I am listening to jazz all the time." ZORAK: Now you're talkin'. GARRETT MORRIS: Well, see, I knew he had broken the code, so I said "I be listenin'", so he understands what I'm sayin'. Some other guy might say "What's he saying, what, huh?" SPACE GHOST: (back in his seat) Is there anything more funny than somebody just drastically white trying to speak colloquial hood? GARRETT MORRIS: I'm, you're the first person I've heard admit that, I've been wantin' to say that, but I say, they'd probably say I'm... (knocks microphone off, feedback) SPACE GHOST: I didn't do that. MOLTAR: (to Mark) So, what's your forecast? Any black holes? MARK MCEWEN: Uh, aren't black holes those things you wanna stay away from? MOLTAR: Yeah... if you're yella. (laughs) MARK MCEWEN: So, I mean, you'd predict them, then, like, you'd run away from 'em. MOLTAR: Um... MARK MCEWEN: ... because they'd suck your, the rocket right into the black hole thing. See, I've done a little bit of research on this. MOLTAR: Uh... MARK MCEWEN: If you have a black hole, and you got a rocket ship, it just kinda goes in, and then you never see 'em again, so you run from those things. MOLTAR: That makes sense. If you're yella. (laughs) MARK MCEWEN: We tend not to make fun of stuff like that. MOLTAR: Oh. Okay. (long pause) GARRETT MORRIS: Hey, you know about the ??, you know about that ngupa dust? SPACE GHOST: Uh huh. GARRETT MORRIS: You know about that? SPACE GHOST: Oh, you bet. GARRETT MORRIS: You don't know about that, huh, man? You notice I'm talkin', now I know the language, I'm takin' me over, y'see, the metaphysical is takin' me over. SPACE GHOST: Faster. GARRETT MORRIS: But anyway, I don't wanna say "voodoo" or "voudoun" or nothin' like that, because I know that when you people see this thing (pointing at his ring) you always think (very low voice) "voodoo, voudoun" (sky turns dark, with lightning & thunder) You know, I talk about African medicine. Yes, that's where my powers lie. Many many people have, have denied that and found growths, comin' out of their necks. SPACE GHOST: (from under his desk again) Yeah, thanks to you, buddy. GARRETT MORRIS: Well, I just refer back metaphysically to Marie Laveau. You remember the great queen Marie Laveau? Marie Laveau, she was the first, you know... SPACE GHOST: Am I supposed to be hearing like telephones dialing in here? GARRETT MORRIS: Way back, yeah, there's a story about Marie Laveau, you know, she was so powerful 'til this man, one time, was involved in a case against the ??? ZORAK: (hiding in his keyboard pod) Where's Zorak? (pops up) Here's Zorak! (continues popping up and down as he talks) Where's Zorak? Here's Zorak! Where's Zorak? Here's Zorak! Here! Gone! I'm here! I'm gone! Here! Gone! Here! Gone! GARRETT MORRIS: In court, and Marie didn't like that, she goes in with a little piece of paper like this, you know, and the man is arguing, and she sticks the piece of paper, and it touches him, and the man stops ???, and lost the case. (shot of Zorak's empty keyboard pod) You think I'm lying? SPACE GHOST: Uh huh, Garrett, can I stop you for a sec? GARRETT MORRIS: Oh, okay, okay. SPACE GHOST: Zorak? (keyboard pod is still empty) Zoooraaak! (keyboard pod is still empty) Garrett, did you happen to see where Zorak went? GARRETT MORRIS: Um, him and the garbage person? SPACE GHOST: Green guy, with the vest. He was just there. GARRETT MORRIS: He's green? SPACE GHOST: Yeah, remember? Tall guy, bald... GARRETT MORRIS: ??? ZORAK: (FROM WITHIN KEYBOARD POD) No pants... GARRETT MORRIS: Oh, that guy, Zorak, yeah, praying mantis type guy. SPACE GHOST: Yeah. GARRETT MORRIS: Yeah, y'know, that makes me feel sick. Ick! Creepy crawly, you know, ick! ZORAK: (pokes his head up) You've got a fat rump! GARRETT MORRIS: Okay... SPACE GHOST: Zorak!! ZORAK: Rumpty! (lowers his head again) SPACE GHOST: Zorak Robert, you show yourself this instant!! ZORAK: Hey, my bobo paddle! SPACE GHOST: All right, little man, I'm counting to three! One! Two! Three! (lightning flash) GARRETT MORRIS: Four? (Space Ghost falls) Oh my God, he's gone! Shucks! MOLTAR: You're not a real meteorologist, are ya? MARK MCEWEN: (stares back) MOLTAR: Well, are ya? MARK MCEWEN: (stares back) MOLTAR: You're freakin' me out here, Mark. Okay? MARK MCEWEN: (stares back) MOLTAR: This is uncool. Most uncool. SPACE GHOST: (hiding under his desk) Eighteen... nineteen... twenty! GARRETT MORRIS: Well, I still wanna say somethin'. SPACE GHOST: Yeah? GARRETT MORRIS: I think it's shameful, that you are supposed to be a crimefighter... SPACE GHOST: What? GARRETT MORRIS: Supposedly so concerned about crime... SPACE GHOST: (risen from beneath his desk) What are you getting at? GARRETT MORRIS: And believe me, crime is out there in the street. SPACE GHOST: Oh, big surprise! GARRETT MORRIS: And here we have a hero, with all these powers, who decides to come in and be a talk show host. SPACE GHOST: Exactly. GARRETT MORRIS: Well, what about all the crime that's goin' on out there, ghost? SPACE GHOST: You, sir, are thinking about Earth crime. That's galaxies away from me. GARRETT MORRIS: I'm thinking of responsibility. SPACE GHOST: Oh, man. GARRETT MORRIS: A sense of responsibility. SPACE GHOST: Whatever. GARRETT MORRIS: Of using your powers for positive contribution to society. SPACE GHOST: Garrett... I... don't... get you. GARRETT MORRIS: I don't understand what I'm saying either. (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Let's just call it a day, shall we, Garrett? I can finish my show, and you can just... go... someplace. GARRETT MORRIS: (starts humming) SPACE GHOST: Aaagh!! (gets zapped by Zorak's rifle) ZORAK: I'm back! (More lightning in background; Space Ghost and Zorak zap each other in slow motion) GARRETT MORRIS: I guess I don't understand something about this sort of thing. (Zorak blasts Garrett off the monitor) (Lightning and thunder have stopped) SPACE GHOST: Zorak! ZORAK: Well, you said somebody's gonna get hurt! SPACE GHOST: I never said that! ZORAK: Oh. Where did I hear that? I musta read it. MOLTAR: Space Ghost! Zorak! SPACE GHOST: What? ZORAK: What? MOLTAR: All this bedlam around us... it's not a storm at all! It's a fair! SPACE GHOST: All right! (pounds desk) (Credits roll with carnival music) SPACE GHOST: Is this the one that they've added the weather man to? Yeah, that'll be funnier. |