Episode 63 - "Chinatown" |
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Waiting SPACE GHOST: (invisos in to set) Hello! And behold, for I am the Space Ghost. King of space and all that it contains. ZORAK: Question. SPACE GHOST: On tonight's crude mix of animation and jarring live action footage, we have Tyra Banks... ZORAK: Question. SPACE GHOST: No questions, please. And, Rebecca Romijn. ZORAK: Question. SPACE GHOST: Please hold all questions until after the show. ZORAK: Statement? SPACE GHOST: No statements, thank you. ZORAK: Comment? SPACE GHOST: I have no comment at this time. Thank you all for coming. (Lights start to flash on and off, Space Ghost invisos out. Rags is in the control room, he jumps onto the control console. Credits roll) ZORAK: (stares) SPACE GHOST: (looks at Zorak) ZORAK: I am Zorak! Dark lord of inequity! Bow down before me! SPACE GHOST: (looks at Zorak) ZORAK: (sighs, looks away) SPACE GHOST: Please welcome my first guest, Tyra Banks! (waits for monitor to lower, nothing happens) ZORAK: (off camera) (terrible keyboard noise) Argggh! Shoot it! (Rags is sitting on Zorak's keyboard) Shoot it! (Rags makes sounds by walking on keyboard) SPACE GHOST: Zorak, that's no way to greet our new director. ZORAK: (peeks up from pod, with Rags still lying on keyboard) Where's Moltar? SPACE GHOST: Who? Oh, I traded him. ZORAK: For this hairy pile of meat? (Rags finally jumps down from keyboard) SPACE GHOST: This "hairy pile of meat", Zorak, is a highly skilled director, with impeccable comic timing. (Rags walks over and lays down in front of Space Ghost's desk) Not to mention he can clean his entire body using only his tongue. Which is more than I can say for Jerktar. ZORAK: Dog's can't direct. SPACE GHOST: And mantises can't play keyboards, right? ZORAK: (plays keyboard, it makes terrible noises) SPACE GHOST: Zorak, break time is over. ZORAK: (continues playing noises) SPACE GHOST: (aims power bands, all of a sudden noises are replaced by pop instrumental music) (smiles) ZORAK: (starts playing noises again) SPACE GHOST: (blasts Zorak with destructo ray) ZORAK: (coughs) SPACE GHOST: Mm! (dramatic music in background) This dog, who they said couldn't direct, is gonna take this show, which they said couldn't be done, and turn it into a show (Rags jumps up on Space Ghost's desk) that has never been done. (stands up) Before. (to Rags) Go get Tyra! (Rags jumps down) That's a boy! ZORAK: So... who'd ya trade Moltar to? (Picture of Japanese ballpark) ANNOUNCER: (says a bunch of Japanese stuff) ... MOL-TAR! MOLTAR: (in dugout) Huh? ZORAK: You got ripped. (laughs) SPACE GHOST: Oh yeah? Well, how about I also received Mookie Wilson, Omar Moreno, and a bag of cats. ZORAK: Oh, where are they? Break 'em out! SPACE GHOST: Well, Mookie and Omar decided to sleep in... ZORAK: Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about the cats? SPACE GHOST: What cats? ZORAK: They gave you cats, right? SPACE GHOST: Yeah! (Backstage, large yellow armored monster terrorizes three kittens) SPACE GHOST: Please welcome my first guest, Tyra Banks! (waits for monitor to lower, nothing happens) ZORAK: (stares at Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: (invisos to control room) (to Rags) That was your cue. RAGS: (walks away) SPACE GHOST: Good idea, you go familiarize yourself with the manual and... I'll just get you started. (walks up to control room monitor) Zorak, where's the lever? ZORAK: I am Zorak! Dark Lord of... SPACE GHOST: Whatever. (presses a button, gets shocked & thrown back. Tyra appears) TYRA BANKS: (laughs) SPACE GHOST: (sitting on floor) Tyra? TYRA BANKS: Yes. SPACE GHOST: (flies back to his desk) TYRA BANKS: (blows kiss to Zorak) ZORAK: (starts wheezing and panting) SPACE GHOST: (bounds into his chair) Ladies and gentlemen - shut up, Z... TYRA BANKS: Hello universe, my name is Tyra Banks. SPACE GHOST: Ty-ra. Ra! That's the Egyptian sun god. So, I guess that makes you Egyptian. TYRA BANKS: Actually, well, I'm, I - SPACE GHOST: Here's something about your culture you probably don't know. Ra is actually short for Roger. TYRA BANKS: I think it's really nice it's - SPACE GHOST: Also a sports term which, translated roughly, means, "Cheers". Did you ever watch that show? It was pretty good. TYRA BANKS: (opens her mouth to talk) SPACE GHOST: Here's something else you might not know. "Cheers" was filmed in front of a live studio audience. TYRA BANKS: (nods) Well, we have like some kind of space - SPACE GHOST: Although I don't know if I believe that. TYRA BANKS: Well, I - SPACE GHOST: Seriously I don't. TYRA BANKS: But it's not - SPACE GHOST: That reminds me of a story I think you'll find fascinating. (Transition with harp music - Space Ghost is in mail room) SPACE GHOST: I would like one stamp, please. Mail Room Guy: That'll be thirty-two cents. SPACE GHOST: I don't have any money. (Transition back to studio) SPACE GHOST: (laughs) True story. TYRA BANKS: Well, I know - SPACE GHOST: Did I mention that I like to sketch? TYRA BANKS: No. SPACE GHOST: I'm pretty deep that way. Why don't you sit still as I capture your essense in colored pencil? TYRA BANKS: (smiles and waits uncomfortably while Space Ghost sketches) SPACE GHOST: (sketches for a long time, then looks up momentarily: sketches again) So, you're workin' it with John Stamos. That's a good one. TYRA BANKS: That's not me! That's your next guest! SPACE GHOST: Nice try. (looks at note card) It says right here, "Ask Tyra about John Stamos". TYRA BANKS: "Ask Tyra about John Stamos"? No, that's my good friend's fiance, and that's all I know. SPACE GHOST: (stares at note card) (to himself: My note cards have been desequencified.) This smells like the work of Zorak! ZORAK: Yes, it was I, Zorak! Emerald rogue! Wronger of rights! Pincher of sensitive areas! SPACE GHOST: That's the best you can do. ZORAK: Eh... I'm not myself without Moltar. (Piano accompaniment begins, Zorak recites poem, with subtitles and bouncing Moltar head) ZORAK: Goodbye to you, my molten friend We've known each other Since we were in the pen Together we climbed hills and trees Learned assault and battery Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees. SPACE GHOST: You're losin' your edge. (In control room) RAGS: (Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!) ZORAK: (on monitor) (hisses at Rags) RAGS: (Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!) ZORAK: (evil laugh) SPACE GHOST: What'd he say? ZORAK: He had a question about the, um... component. SPACE GHOST: (looks up, then resumes sketching) TYRA BANKS: (smiling uncomfortably) Space Ghost, you're so... SPACE GHOST: I'm really creative. Sometimes I wear an eyepatch because I'm so creative. TYRA BANKS: I have no idea... SPACE GHOST: Plus, I'm mysterious. People wonder about me. TYRA BANKS: Yeah. SPACE GHOST: (finishes sketching) Okay. Take a look at this. (holds up sketch titled "Tyra!", with badly drawn caricature) That's you! Pretty good, huh? TYRA BANKS: (pained look) It's okay. SPACE GHOST: Ever get a big zit on your back? TYRA BANKS: (disgusted look) (Credits roll prematurely again) SPACE GHOST: Tyra? Tyra... (invisos back to control room) (Rags is chewing on something) SPACE GHOST: Bad director! Bad director! What the... My retainer! (Moltar is standing in the middle of the baseball field, organ music and crowd noises in background) MOLTAR: Please strike out, please strike out, please strike out, please strike - (CRACK!) Oh no... Please go to the fence, please go to the fence, please go to the fence, please go to the fence... (BALL DROPS AND ROLLS JUST PAST HIM; HE JUST STANDS THERE) VOICE: Moltar! (Japanese cursing) (Back in studio) SPACE GHOST: Please welcome my next guest, Rebecca Romijn. (Monitor displays funny patterns, but no Rebecca) REBECCA ROMIJN: (voice only) Hello, Space Ghost! SPACE GHOST: Rebecca? Where are you? (In control room, Rags lies on the floor) REBECCA ROMIJN: (on monitor) Hello? Hello, hello, hello? SPACE GHOST: Rebecca, turn off your inviso-power. REBECCA ROMIJN: I'm here, I'm here, I'm right here. SPACE GHOST: Oh no! Can it be? Have I lost the gift of sight in not one, but both eyes? ZORAK: Simmer down there, Sandra Dee. SPACE GHOST: (looking up) Zorak? Is that you? My oldest and truest evil bandleader? (turns and looks to his left) Oh, Zorak, it is you! I can see! I can see! This is the happiest day of my life! ZORAK: (walks up to Space Ghost as he speaks) (belches, and blows it on Space Ghost) SPACE GHOST: You probably think that's cool. (In control room, Rags is chewing on a rug and growling) SPACE GHOST: (invisos in) Miss Romijn? REBECCA ROMIJN: Where am I? What's going on right now? SPACE GHOST: This is Space Ghost here. Over. REBECCA ROMIJN: Hello, Space Ghost. SPACE GHOST: Sorry for the difficulty, Rebecca. Somebody seems to have slobbered on all the settings. Over. RAGS: (Bark! Bark!) REBECCA ROMIJN: Who was that, what was that weird noise? SPACE GHOST: Nothing. Hang tight for a sec. Over and out. (presses a console button, sends Rebecca to the studio monitor) REBECCA ROMIJN: Oh, good, thank you. RAGS: (continues to growl and thrash the rug back and forth) SPACE GHOST: You're worse than Moltar. (bounds back to his desk) Please welcome my next guest, super-model Rebecca Romijn. REBECCA ROMIJN: Thank you, it's really exciting to be here, thanks. SPACE GHOST: Yes, yes, enough about me, let's talk about you. Now, you do runway modeling occasionally, right? REBECCA ROMIJN: That's right. SPACE GHOST: Okay, when you're walking down the runway... REBECCA ROMIJN: Yeah... SPACE GHOST: Do ya ever get the urge to just run and take off like an XG series pulse-modulated Donovan craft? REBECCA ROMIJN: Well, you know, sometimes when I'm walking down the runway, all I'm wearing are, are underpants. SPACE GHOST: Uh, ahh.... (falls over at his desk, his feet stick up in the air) REBECCA ROMIJN: Oh no... are you okay? SPACE GHOST: (gets up) Were you just hitting on me? REBECCA ROMIJN: You're kind of intimidating me, Space Ghost, that strong jaw, and those, those, those, those, those intense eyes. SPACE GHOST: Yeah. And how about my generous biceps? REBECCA ROMIJN: (laughs) Well, they're, they're intimidating too. SPACE GHOST: You mean it? You're not just blowing smoke up my cape. REBECCA ROMIJN: I, I do, I love you, Space - (Credits roll prematurely again) SPACE GHOST: Rebecca? NO! (invisos to control room) RAGS: (Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!) SPACE GHOST: Well that's it, pal, your directing days are over. I'm sending you back to the minors. Zorak, bring the car around) (Space Ghost piloting the Phantom Cruiser, with Rags sitting next to him. He listens to a tape while he drives; Rags starts barking, he turns up the tape volume louder and louder until it distorts) (Moltar is still standing in baseball field; Phantom Cruiser lands next to him) SPACE GHOST: Moltar! Get in the car! (Space Ghost and Moltar take off, leaving Rags on the field) MOLTAR: Seven errors! Gah... Seven! SPACE GHOST: Forget it, Moltar. It's Chinatown. (Phantom Cruiser zooms out of sight) (Organ music) VOICE: Moltar! (more Japanese cursing) |